Joo

Remember this post?

2010-06-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

http://jooish.blogspot.com/2009/07/cryptic.html

Sometimes the event with a 99% chance of failure actually occurs.

From June 16 through June 22, I spent the most amazing week with my awesome new boyfriend, Richard, who is the guy referred to in the link above.

We met in the blogosphere (thanks Mom) in 2009 and started talking daily about a year ago. Apparently by July 8, 2009 I was really feeling him but was not at all optimistic about the chance we might end up together. I have never been so happy to be wrong.

Rich and I had been doing the online dating thing for several months and the topic of meeting in person had arisen on more than a few occasions. Problem was, he lived in Virginia or whatever. Eventually I make up my mind that I will travel to meet him in person, so I book a trip to his hometown (Greenville, NC) in February 2010.

We grow even closer over the next few months. We talk for hours at a time on a daily basis (both online and on the phone), and we never run out of conversation. We have similar interests and beliefs with just enough differences to spark discussion.

In the week or two previous to the trip, we butted heads more than ever before. I knew, even at the time, that I was feeling stressed out by work and other assorted bullshit. It wasn't Rich at all, it was me. (He is so awesome for not getting angry about this). Still, it planted the seed that maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.

June 16, 2010. My ass needs to be at the airport at 4:30 AM. I am tired, cranky, and freaking out at the idea that something might go wrong at the airport (with a little subtext of "why am I doing this?"). Milwaukee airport for the first leg of the flight to Philadelphia--everything is fine. Philadelphia airport for the second leg of the flight to Charlotte--fucking sucks monkey ass balls.

I land in Philly in concourse F. My flight to Charlotte leaves from concourse A. There's a shuttle bus to concourse A, but I think, I don't need to take the bus, I'll walk. I walk for what seems like 20 miles and go back through security for no particular reason. All the while, pushy east coast people are trying to skip in line. I forget to remove my soda from my carry-on and get a dirty look from the TSA guy. I finally pass security and continue on my journey to concourse A, walking approximately 20 more miles. I made it to the plane about 5 minutes before it's supposed to take off. Walking and security takes about 50 minutes. Rich made this ordeal somewhat tolerable by listening to me bitch on the phone.

Then I get to Charlotte and my flight to Greenville is delayed. Nothing too drastic happens, but this means even more waiting. My nerves are getting fried. I go eat some overpriced airport food and drink a bloody mary and a giant beer. Finally, I feel somewhat normal. I call Rich back and ask him how he's gonna know what gate to meet me at in the Greenville airport. He says he'll figure it out. Grr, another thing to stress about. I get on the plane...

And land. And deplane, not using a jet bridge or whatever those things are called. The Greenville airport looks like a dentist office. I walk towards the (one) gate (in the entire airport)...

And there he is! He's wearing the Brewers shirt I got him and he gives me this cute little wave! OMG! He's a little shorter than I expected, but way way way way way more cuter than he had advertised. All the stress I'd been feeling for weeks disappears completely and I just run and jump on him without a conscious thought. We kiss and go by the rental car counters. Some bs happens with my reservation but I don't even care, I'm just going through the motions and feeling so thrilled to finally be with him. Everything finally felt right.

We ended up in this pimp-ass red 2011 Camry. The second the rental car lady goes outside to pull the car up, it starts thunderstorming and POURING with huge ginormous raindrops. It's crazy! We run through the rain to get in the car and head to where his car is parked. The brakes in the Camry were excellent. Then I park next to his car...

And we just start making out like madmen. We hit a triple because it was like zero to third base in 4.5 seconds (mixed metaphors). Now EVERY factor I had been worried about had been proven not to take place. We head to the hotel for checking in and more making out, and somewhere in that evening we go out to eat and watch a movie at his house and I meet his cat and his mom, and we go to the hotel to chill in the jacuzzi and have sex FINALLY. It's all mixed up in my head because I was so tired and so emotional at the time. It's like a blur.

We have sex in the morning too, starting an awesome trend for the whole trip. He also takes many silly pictures of me and he got me breakfast in bed. We then head to Raleigh to visit the Crabtree Valley Mall and the Lush store.

The Lush store was a lot smaller than I expected. You could tell that its inventory turns over slower than the store here in Milwaukee (Lush Cosmetics Mayfair Mall holla!). Some of the bath bombs were looking a little dusty and faded, and they have tons of Naked kits still. We choose some items, and Rich picks out the Demon in the Dark soap. I liked that because it's a soap I always thought he would like. It's manly and has a cool name. He grabs a Flosty Gritter bubble bar and leaves a pink glittery fingerprint on my boob that lasted most of the day. As we were leaving, I tell the salesgirl I'm giving him a makeover. He was so embarrassed. My bad.

Our next stop is the food court. Dixie Belle Smokehouse catches Rich's eye and we are standing there contemplating the menu when the older black man behind the counter says "QuitfoolingaroundNAWgetafreesampleNAWgrabaspoonNAW!" We quit fooling around, get a spoon and a free sample of their BBQ pork. It was freaking delicious. We end up splitting a rack of ribs, which came with two sides and hushpuppies for $11.99. Pretty damn good deal. I noticed food is inexpensive in general in NC, and cigarettes are downright cheap. Gas is about the same though.

We make a couple more stops, at the candy store and the Hello Kitty store, and then go back 2 da hotel. We have tons of fun with !!!LUSH MAKEOVER MADNESS!!! and just sitting around talking and participating in other activities. We fall asleep a little on the early side because the next day we were headed to Busch Gardens!

That morning we wake up a bit ahead of schedule and make love (it's extra amazing in the morning). For whatever reason this prompts an emotional breakdown in me. All these happy/sad/scared feelings crash together in my mind and I cry. The overall point was that I was thinking about how I didn't want the trip to end and for us to be separated, with a bit of being afraid that I might jank up our relationship somehow like I did my last one. I was also feeling a bit stressed and scared about a situation going on in my neighborhood and I didn't want to go back. Rich is amazingly patient and reassuring with me. He points out that all the problems in my previous relationship were not my fault, and that he wants to be with me and protect me and keep me safe.

The fact that I feel safe with him is one of the most significant factors that makes this relationship different from my last LTR. That guy had/has a drug problem and he stole money from me early on. I forgave him, he paid me back, and he has been in a treatment program that keeps the addiction somewhat under control. Despite that, I realize now that I never trusted him. I felt throughout that relationship that I had to be 100% in control of everything all the time and anything I would have would be on my own with no help. With Rich, I would feel comfortable with (for example) moving into an apartment I couldn't quite afford on my own, with him working and contributing. In my past relationship, I would never move into an apartment where I depended on his part of the rent because I knew "something" would come up and put me in a bind where I would have to sacrifice to cover him. I don't feel like my words are adequately conveying my feelings here. Point is, I feel comfortable enough with Rich to give up some of my sense of control and allow a man to take care of me, not financially but emotionally and physically. This makes me both ecstatically happy and scares the living crap out of me.

Much like that morning, I am done talking about this and I just want to discuss the fun we had at Busch Gardens!

Busch Gardens is in Williamsburg, VA--about a three-hour drive. We get caught in a hellified traffic jam and keep switching lane positions with some girl who has "Baby Coco <3" painted on her windshield.

We hit up all the major rollercoasters that were open, along with a cool motion 4D simulator thing called Curse of DarKastle and a water ride, Escape from Pompeii. On Escape from Pompeii, Rich kisses me on the way down the big drop, which is captured by the ride camera and looks super cute. He bought us two photo keychains and the big portrait. All the rides had a 15-minute wait or less, which was completely awesome!

Towards the end of the day, the heat starts to get to me and I start feeling motion sick and dehydrated and dizzy. We stop by the Gasthaus (I think that's what it was called) in the "Germany" area of the park to get some food and a giant piece of black forest chocolate cake, which I eat all by myself. I feel way the hell better. As we're leaving I notice some teddy bears dressed up as the German-style dancers that perform in the Gasthaus. The girl dancers and teddy bears wear floral wreaths in their hair (or around their ears in the case of the bears). I offhandedly say the bears are cute, and Rich buys me one! That touched me right in the heart, because I was just saying they were cute, not "Buy me a bear!" My bear is named Brunhilda and I've slept with her every night since I got back. It's a poor substitute for waking up next to Rich but it's better than nothing.

We hit up a couple more rides, including a sequel to DarKastle, and then head back to NC. We stop at a Mickey D's in Suffolk, VA where the girl gives me a free soda for no apparent reason. Still, I am ass-tired (my arctic self can't handle the heat, son) and getting cranky. Then Rich gets lost. Not that I blame him, the roads are frickin' confusing! They have Hwy 264 and then Alternate 264. WTF is that? I don't like this 264, so I'm gonna take the alternate? He finds his way to Williamston where most of his extended family lives and he is easily able to get back to Greenville from there, but I still freak out a little. I'm not a fan of dark country roads. We do make it back to the hotel without encountering any serial killers or anything, and I'm too tired to even have sex. That's pretty damn tired!

We make up for it the following day. In addition, we watch some movies (Rich's favorite thing) and lay out in the sun (my favorite thing). That brings me to reason # 7549847292 why I'm in love with him--he shares things he loves with me and participates in things I love too, enabling me to share those things with him.

That night, we dress up to go out to dinner and see a movie. He looks nice in his button-down shirt and tie, while I look like a total hooker with thigh-high stockings and a skirt that barely covers my ass. The movie, Splice, was eh. It kept me entertained, however, and I did not suffer any joocolepsy. We wind up the evening with some conversation, more lovemaking, and the feeling of us growing closer together.

The next morning we go to his church. I'm not a religious person, but I feel honored that he wants to share that part of his life with me, and I have tremendous respect for his faith. He had an ulterior motive that I didn't realize at the time--to show me off. I think I made a good impression with lots of smiles, "nice to meet you," and an occasional hug. The minister's sermon was about the importance of fatherhood (it was Father's Day), and I enjoyed the conservative values he expressed. I also giggled when he mentioned touching your children, because I'm five.

Afterwards we ate lunch at Cracker Barrel along with Rich's mom. Our waitress neglected us a bit, and Rich was making fun of her. It was hilarious. We spent the afternoon watching more movies and doing more suntanning, and the evening watching even more movies and having awesome amazing mind-blowing sex that probably the whole floor could hear me but I didn't care. Our physical chemistry is incredible. It's so amazing how we connect on an emotional, intellectual and physical level. Honestly, I feel so lucky to have found him.

The next day was a bit bittersweet as it was our last full day together. We went to Atlantic Beach, because I wanted to see the ocean. We also visited Fort Macon, a Civil War historical site that was built for war, not for safety. It was pretty cool. But the best part was the beach and the ocean. We played around in the waves and collected tons of seashells. You can sit in the shallow part of the water and a wave will come along and just toss your body around like you're one of those tiny shells. We laughed and giggled and splashed each other and kissed and made out and watched the boats. It was so much fun and the thought occurred to me that if I just stayed in the water the day would never end.

Didn't work, so we headed back to Greenville and the hotel. We're cruising along when I glance over at Rich and I see a little tear streaming down his cheek. All I wanted to do at that point was make sure that he would never be sad again. When we get back he gets more emotional, and I do everything I can to comfort him, which wasn't easy because I was having a lot of the same feelings he was. We end up having some of that emotional comfort sex, which is often the best kind. We then take a shower to get some of the sand off (that shit gets everywhere!), and go out to eat.

We eat at Ming Dynasty, which had really good Chinese food, served by white people, eaten by Asian people. And our goofy asses. We speak in these Japanese stereotype accents, with periodic outbursts of me being worried someone would think we were being racist. At one point, the Asian dude at the next table says in the accent "Some people are on crack cocaine," which I sadly don't hear at the time, but Rich tells me about it. It has now become the king of the many inside jokes generated by this trip.

This dinner, much like the whole trip, had to end. We head back to the hotel and pack, and somehow my suitcase became way more full for the return trip. Then we settle down to watch True Romance and spend our last few hours where we would be together in the same physical space. We make love again (including the best oral I've ever received EVER) and fall asleep watching Heathers.

The next morning, I'm rip-roaring to go, because if I wasn't, I would probably miss my plane, never leave, get fired, and go to jail for stealing a rental car. We enjoy the best part of waking up and then I go downstairs to get a Daily Register. During this time, Rich sneaks Death Bed: The Bed that Eats into my suitcase and makes the sweetest video where he tells me he loves me and that I'm the best girlfriend ever. I only hope I can live up to that because that's what he deserves. We then head to the airport/dentist office and wait. His mom calls me to let me know that she enjoyed meeting me and to ask if Rich took me to the beach and I replied that he had. I was touched that she thought to call.

Finally, the time comes where I have to get in line for security and get on the plane. We kiss a million times and promise to see each other again soon. And I leave.

Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes because it's a reminder of how happy I am with him, and how grateful I am to have him in my life. We will be together again soon, because he's coming to stay with me in Milwaukee from August 6-29. This will be less like a vacation and more like real life, but I'm sure it will still be tons of fun. I can't wait to fall asleep in his arms.

132 pounds

2010-06-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not even trying. I'm cool with this though. Keeping my work lunches under control makes a big difference.

I've been pretty much breaking all the rules since before Memorial Day...

2010-06-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

And the results are:

May 28: 134
June 4: 132

I'm on the rag, so...

2010-05-21T16:35:00.001-07:00

133. I ain't mad at it.

scooters, vacation, fall

2010-05-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

May 7: 131
May 14: 130

I taste like sunshine dust

2010-04-30T20:39:00.001-07:00

132.

It's not Friday...but

2010-04-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

131 pounds!

133 pounds!

2010-04-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

As of Friday, April 16 2010.

Holy shit, it's been awhile!

2010-04-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

I'm here to blog my diet. Yes, I'm totally stealing this.

I made a conscious decision to not read old posts before starting this one. Because, as Mark McGwire said before Congress, I'm not here to talk about the past. I'm here to talk about my new thinner future!

Also, I didn't feel like dredging all those memories up. Sometimes I look back at decisions I made in the recent past and wonder what the fuck I was thinking. My decision-making process at that point was obviously driven by different factors at that point, but what were they? And why? I have no doubt I would react differently faced with similar circumstances today, but I don't know what to base that belief on.

So the diet!

Today's weight: 138 pounds (Ugh, I know, right? This is the heaviest I've ever been. Honestly, I give myself props. For being techically overweight, I carry it well.)

(click to enlarge!)

THE PLAN:

NO PIZZA!
No delivery food. If you want it, go get it.
If you eat a big breakfast, eat a small lunch and vice versa.
Only small snacks in the after work or in the evening.
Drink more water!
Work lunch--either soup and salad or veggies and pasta/rice. Only eat entrees if they're favorites.
No snacks from the work snack box!

Milestone dates:

May 21 (this is 40 days from today. I went 40 days without eating meat for Lent, so I know I can do something for 40 days).
June 11 (the last day at work before I leave on my trip to NC!)

I will check in with weekly weight updates on Fridays!

Cryptic

2009-07-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

When Chicago Guy died, I was convinced that a part of me died with him. Specifically, the part that believed that true love is possible for me. I assumed that the little speck in my generally cold, cynical heart that believed in finding someone I felt all those romantic sparks for was dead.

I was wrong. It's still there.

Do I think I will ever actually find that person? Probably not. If I happen to, do I believe that we will really end up together? Again, 99% chance that will never happen.

Regardless, it feels good to know that it's still there. I attempted to shut off all my feelings and basically become an emotionless sociopath in the interest of never getting hurt again. I'm still a normal human being with feelings, which is a more satisfying place to be.

I'm happy that I'm finally healing from that whole situation and that I can still be who I really am.

The difference between men and women

2009-04-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend visited a friend's house last night because the friend was having problems with his new plasma TV. The friend's ex-girlfriend's mother died, and she inherited a bunch of money. So, the friend's ex, who lives in a different state, bought him a very expensive TV. Hmmm.

My boyfriend: "Dina's" mom died, so she got a bunch of money and she bought "Rick" a plasma TV. Blah blah blah, technical TV talk about why it wasn't working...

Me: Wait a minute, why did Dina buy Rick a TV just because she got some money? (side note: their break-up was not friendly)

Him: I didn't ask. Blah, blah, blah, five minutes of more technical TV talk.

Me: You didn't even address the interesting part of that story.

The difference? In his mind, he did.

I got a shout-out!

2009-02-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

http://singleatthecorner.blogspot.com/2009/02/reader-comments-funnier-than-site.html

B to the... I heart you!

Well, it wasn't eight months...

2009-02-22T21:36:00.000-08:00

What the hell, I'll tell this from the beginning...

Last week, Chicago guy emails me out of nowhere asking if we could hang out sometime. Some emails go back and forth and we make plans to hang out this Saturday. The plan was, if he couldn't get a babysitter for his one kid, I'd meet him at his house around nine, after the kid was in bed. I have no idea where his wife and other kid were, and I didn't ask. If he could get a babysitter, we'd meet earlier on (6:30, which was emphasized many times). He did get a babysitter, and 6:30 it was. So we hang out and have some beers and talk and play a little Tiger Woods on PS2, and flirt a bit. Then 9:00 rolls around, and we start making out, under the lovely professional portrait of him and his wife hanging in their living room. The portrait bugs me from the moment I noticed it. You could feel the fake and insincere posing of it just radiating from the picture. And then he takes me upstairs and we have sex in their bed. It was kind of mediocre, but some sex definitely beats no sex, trust me. So then we get dressed and go back downstairs and smoke a cigarette, and he informs me that he has to pick his kid up from the babysitter at 10. It's like 9:40 at this point. We chat a little longer and we end up having sex on his kitchen counter. Which was fantastic. Now that's the type of thing that turns me on. We then smoke another cigarette, and he leaves to go pick up his kid and I go home.

Unanswered questions:

Where were his wife and other kid? I assume they went on some kind of mini-vaca with either her mom or one of her friends, which they've been known to do. This is not an important detail.
If he couldn't get a babysitter, was he planning to bang me with his kid in the house, or were we just going to hang out?
I went back and forth wondering if the intent was for us to have sex or was it just for us to hang out. I'm still not sure of the original plan, perhaps he was just going with the flow.
If he didn't get a babysitter, was he going to kick me out at some point?
Why didn't we go out somewhere instead of just chillin' at his house? I really figured we'd do something, then come back and do it. Seriously. That being said, it looks like he has a new and expensive car payment and the accompanying full coverage insurance, and his phone got cut off, so he's probably broke. Or, he would've gotten an overnight babysitter but one wasn't available. Maybe I just answered my own question. Or he knew I'd give it up without being taken out first.

While I enjoy the sex, and I will probably come back for more if the opportunity presents itself (he has to make the first move, because I have to maintain some little remnants of my self-respect), this thing has left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

Because this is the bottom line--I'm good enough to fuck (vulgar term is necessary here) but not good enough to have a relationship with. He had the chance and let it go by because my boyfriend is his friend and he doesn't want to hurt him :'-(. You're willing to fuck his girlfriend though. Uh huh. More like you're too much of a pussy to complete your divorce and have to OMG pay child support and do visitation and find your own apartment etc. etc. etc. I get that having divorced parents is not an ideal situation for children but neither is living in an environment of constant hostility. And if you and your wife are getting along perfectly (including the sex part) and you're still cheating on her, that's pretty fucked up. I cheat on my boyfriend for two reasons: 1. We don't have sex, or even sexual type activities, including kissing, ever. 2. After six years, it feels like we have the same conversation over and over again and I need variety. Do I love him? Yes. Do I want to break up with him given current circumstances? No.

Next weekend, I'm going out and getting FUCKED UP, period. It's been too long and I really need to blow off some steam.

Chicago Guy

2009-01-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I talked to Chicago guy for the first time in eight months. Who's Chicago guy? Leave a comment and ask. Anyway, it was awkward. But it did make me remember what I liked so much about him (as a friend) in the first place. I hope it's not another eight months before we hang out again.

However...

I thought I really wanted to be in a relationship with him at the time. Now I realize the spark I felt is like the fake Glade scented "candle" I keep on my desk. Looks and feels like the real thing, but will never set anything on fire.

Stuff about work...

2009-01-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

The nemesis from my old team is leaving and going to a whole new department. Meaning that team will be down two people. I wouldn't go back, however. Even though I feel like I'm interloping on my new team's little clique sometimes, I still like the new team better. I prefer not to work with all women, and I find the subject matter more interesting. Plus, if they asked me to go back, I would be kind of irritated. That would be unfair to me. Hey, leave the old team and come back two months later. Uh, no. Plus, a bunch of people from that team got promoted, so now they're the same annoying people, now with fake authority. No thanks.

One thing I dislike about the new team is our manager's management style. Which can be summed up like this: "Blah, blah, blah, delegate, delegate, no follow up ever." She also goes to roughly 14 million meetings a day, so she literally never has five minutes to talk to you. But, she is assigning one of the specialist/consultant people around to be our "people manager" and handle stuff when she's not around. So hopefully, there will be more accountability and follow-up. They are also starting to keep track of how much work we actually get done like the old team did. Again, accountability. I found her choice of the person to take on the people manager duties interesting, but perhaps the people that I find to be more obvious choices weren't interested in "people management." I would be, if I was in that position.

Finally, on a more upbeat note...

I totally have a work crush. It's funny, because it's not the person I mentioned in an earlier post. In fact, I find him kind of annoying. (Since when does he get to delegate stuff to me? This is the last time. That's another topic.) No, it's someone else. Things I find attractive about him, in bullet-form:

He's a good looking guy.
His speaking voice
He's in the military (it's the men in uniform thing. Funny, it doesn't extend to mail carriers or UPS guys)
Sense of humor
The fact that he doesn't feel the need to talk, talk, talk all the time. Like me.

There's probably more, but I haven't actually been at work for a couple of days. But, there's no chance of a hookup, because he's married, with a second kid on the way. I don't think he would go for me anyway, but even if he did (which is not possible!) I don't think I would... Who am I kidding, I would. But it's not going to happen. It's fun to have a work crush, anyway.

Dear Joo,

2008-12-06T13:13:00.000-08:00

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are still at odds over something that happened months ago. He, his best friend and my 13-year-old son, "Mark," went to spring training in Florida. On one of the days, they went to lunch at a restaurant that features scantily clad waitresses. My husband told Mark not to tell me about it and to leave the telling to him.
When they returned home on Sunday after their three-day weekend, Mark let it slip where they had gone for lunch one day. I hit the roof!
Mark is a very young 13. I was furious that my husband took him to a place that Mark described as making him feel "uncomfortable" because of all the skin that was being shown. After I jumped on my husband for doing it, I heard him outside yelling at Mark for telling me before he had a chance to.
I'm being accused of overreacting, Abby. Am I? -- PROTECTIVE LIONESS IN ATLANTA

DEAR LIONESS: I don't think so. If your husband had been proud of what he had done, he wouldn't have asked Mark to keep it a secret. His request was both dishonest and sexist. It was an invitation to your son to join the "boy's club" and exclude you, and it makes me wonder what the next indiscretion your son would have been asked to cover up would have involved.

Joo says: Where did they go, Hooters? The waitresses at Hooters wear tank tops and shorts. Pretty sure their uniforms are no skimpier than what most women wear in Atlanta in the summer. It's hot there. It's not like they took him to a strip club, which I could see making a 13-year-old uncomfortable.

That being said...

Sorry to break it to you lady. Your son is gay.

The only good thing about Florida is...

2008-11-24T19:48:00.000-08:00

Housing bubble?
Alligators?
Old people?
Florida/Florida State/University of Miami?
Tony Montana?
Trailer parks?
Casey Anthony?
2000 election (OMG, I don't know who I voted for because I'm too stupid to read the ballots!)
Heat/humidity/rain?

Hmm, I'll get back to you when I think of something. Asshole.

A Work Complaint

2008-11-20T19:26:00.000-08:00

I work in a call center that's divided into 8 teams (press one for this, two for that, etc). One of the people from a different team called our line today with a question from a caller. I answered the question. She replied that the caller had already spoken with the person I recommended could solve the problem at hand, and that person suggested to call us. I reiterated that the person I recommended that the caller speak to is the correct person to handle that issue. The co-worker asked if I would ask one of our supervisors who the correct person to help this caller would be. I couldn't, since they were both out of the office for the evening.

Bitch, own your call and do your own research. How about you call one of the supervisors personally if you don't like my (correct) answer?

Anyway, I told her to offer to call the person back and ask her manager about the problem tomorrow morning. Pretty sure I don't get paid to train people on how to be effective phone reps in happenstance phone calls, but hey, this is yet another reason why I WILL GET PROMOTED BEFORE YOU!

alt.suicide.methods

2008-11-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

Thinking of killing yourself? Some would tell you to seek counseling or call a suicide hotline. Not your friend JOO however. You should visit the Google group alt.suicide.methods. You will be feeling better about your life in no time, because at least you're not one of those losers. The following are some insights I've gained from browsing that bulletin board:

The only 100% effective suicide method is shooting yourself in the face with a shotgun. You could miss with any other kind of gun and leave yourself a vegetable. Then your life would really be a failure. Similar failures could occur with drug overdoses, car accidents, hanging...
It's important to consider who will find your body. I personally wouldn't want my mom discovering my corpse with my brain sprayed all over my apartment. If the thought of a loved one needing to identify your nearly decapitated body bothers you, perhaps you're not really ready to die.
Bullets are often found in the wall behind a person who commits suicide via gunshot. This is because they have buyer's remorse. So if you want to murder someone and make it look like a suicide, shoot the wall behind them a couple times.
Depression is a bitch and nothing to be taken lightly. The only way to fight it is to get out there and live your life. Yes, therapy and medication help people, but sitting in your house dwelling on how much you hate life doesn't help anything. The meaning of life is found in work, learning, developing your skills and personality, enjoying music, art, sports, cars, whatever, and LIVING. Not sitting on the computer contemplating dying.

So you got a comment. La dee freakin' da.

2008-11-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

At work, I have been given the opportunity to move to a different team within our department. Basically, we have a hiring freeze, so they're re-allocating resources. Our manager announced the move on Friday. Apparently since then, people have been talking about it. It's caused a buzz. Why does she get this opportunity? Who were the other candidates? You know, if another team needs someone, please consider me. It blows my mind that people talk about me.

1. I got this opportunity because I do a better job than you and I deserve a promotion, but they are scared to promote me because it would piss off people like you. So they're moving me to a team where promoting me would piss off fewer people.

2. There weren't other candidates. They wanted me, period. If I said no, they'd then figure out another candidate.

3. And now that you've expressed interest in more challenging work, like I did, long ago, perhaps you will be considered for the next opening.

But again, that's why I was so amazed that I got a comment. It freaks me out that people talk about me at all.

P.S. One of the many reasons I'm happy to be moving to the other team is...there's cute guys over there. As opposed to no guys over here. I'm going to bang the shit out of one dude. Heh. Anyhoo, if I do, you'll read about it here...

OMG! I have a comment!

2008-11-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

It was from May of 2007, and I didn't even know. From a pretty well-known blogger in Milwaukee, too. Huh. Weird, it's like he searched for the topic, found it on my blog of all places, and commented. On a mistake I made, which is fine. I guess I'm in total shock that someone left me a comment. Wow.

Keep Internet Stuff on the Internet

2008-11-11T20:27:00.000-08:00

Here I am addressing the issue of blog cliques. Again...

Over at Dreamin' Demon, there was a group of regulars. Then the Caylee Anthony case brought a whole bunch of new readers. So many that they had to upgrade their server. Some of them became regulars as well. Now it's new vs. old regulars in a debate over the "spirit" of the site. Pre-Caylee, the feeling there was very atheist, anti-religion, adults only, expressing the outrage over the cases discussed but definitely not from a faith-based perspective. It was the type of place where people would not be offended by my avatar! Caylee has attracted more people who openly express their faith, "I'm praying for you" type messages, etc. People who would be offended by my avatar. The people who actually run the joint have done a great job of allowing both of the groups to co-exist. All I do is go, make my little comments, post my bewbs, and leave. I did change my avatar for them because I don't want anyone to be so distracted by my avatar that they don't understand my message.

Point is, a website is its owner's to run as that owner chooses. The people who visit really have no say in it, and can find a different way to spend their time if it really is a problem for them.

Another random thought: the more readers a blog has, the dumber the comments are. Dlisted was not very popular during their blog fight, but the comments were always super-entertaining. Now that it's popular, I don't go near the comments. Even on blind items. Many of the posters who caused the fight have migrated to Crazy Days and Nights. Less popular, better comments. I don't know, just an observation. This is in no way a criticism of the actual content of the blogs. If they're linked here, they're good. It's the comments.

Best America's Next Top Model Quotes Ever...

2008-11-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

Some of these may be more like paraphrases, but...

Mr. Jay to Brittany (c4): This is the first shot. In the second shot, your top is off. In the third shot, you're on your knees.

Coryn to Lisa: And what are you doing, alcoholic bitch?

Tyra to Joanie: Janice would never tell you to do that. Janice is a really good model.

Janice to Gina: Zip it, bitch. You're dead in my book.

Elyse to confessional: All of your parents must be ashamed of you.

Jael to 50 Cent: I'm half-black and half-Jewish. I'm blewish. You can't hang with that.

Fatima to random girl who didn't make the show (maybe Shalynda?): Can I call you bitch?

Samantha in interview: They're having their lesbian bath moment...

Jade to ?: This is not America's Next Top Best Friend!

Eva to Ann? Amanda? Confessional?: I'm a black woman from LA. What do I want with some crystals?

Nnenna to Gina: What's Jade going to do? Spank you?

Guaranteed I will think of more. What's up with MTV and VH1 not having non-stop America's Next Top Model marathons anymore? I'll take that over Real Chance of Love anytime!

More from the advice columnists...

2008-11-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

Best advice columnist ever--Dan Savage of Savage Love. The only reason to read the insanely overrated Onion. Well, I guess their movie and music reviews are pretty good too. But I digress...

I love my husband. But he won't eat it. Absolutely won't lick me down there. I do everything for him! We've even started ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass while I blow him. I've explained to him that I can't come—not hard!—without it. He insists that he never will go there, and he has accused me of trying to make him do something totally against his moral code. I'm distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him! What do I do?

Unlicky In Love

Cheat on him already, UIL.

And while you're online searching for a man who'll go down on you, UIL, I'm going to go online and Google "moral codes." I'm curious about this mysterious moral code your husband cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but forbids cunnilingus entirely. I know it's not a Catholic thing—I was an altar boy—but maybe it's a Mormon delusion, like magic underpants and coffeephobia and "Mitt Romney 2012."

First of all, I love Dan's column despite his liberalism. Hey, he's a gay man who lives in Seattle, what do you want. I'm not a social conservative (except maybe when it comes to abortion) so I'm cool with the column generally. That being said, Dan has now officially given me justification in cheating. Woo hoo. On that front, I've fooled around with the same person under more unintentional drunken circumstances. But we didn't have sex because his conscience gets in the way. I don't blame him, but he doesn't know all the facts. For a minute there my brain was starting to trick me into thinking I really like him. I don't, though. He's a really good friend, and too good of a human being for me to cheat with. As I told him, I can keep secrets and put stuff behind me. Better than anyone in the world knows.

My Future Husband...

2008-10-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hee hee, not really. He's married, well over a foot taller than me, and generally out of my league. Then again, a friend of mine slept with a Brewer (former Brewer? current minor league Brewer? Not sure). Ever since then, the Brewer has been known to my boyfriend and me as "If I played for the Brewers, I'd bang hotter chicks!" So you never know. This is Ryan Madson, set-up man for the Philadelphia Phillies, and he's frickin' hot. Much hotter than my friend's conquest. Dude's been married since 2002, when he was 21. I really don't get why these professional athletes get married at such young ages. I guess I understand the reasoning that they don't want to end up with someone who is just interested in their money, so they marry someone they were with before they actually had any money. It worked for Brett Favre (as far as we know, so far) and did not work out for Michael Jordan. Or Dwyane Wade. Or Chipper Jones, in spectacular fashion. It takes a special breed to be married to a pro athlete. They travel for most of the year, and tons of women throw themselves at them. Mix in money and partying and the pro athlete woman-using culture (read Ball Four). My general theory on the retiring and un-retiring of many athletes is that they want to spend more time with their family. They do so, and then realize that hey, we don't really get along all that well. I want to go back to (insert sport here). I figure most sports wives know they get cheated on and don't care. He comes home to them, and they get to spend that money. And cheat, too, if that's what they're into. After all, he's gone all the time. And when he's at home, they probably have fantastic sex and get along great, since absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's basically what it comes down to. Speaking of the fantastic sex part, these guys are usually bigger than the average man (Ryan here is 6'6") and have more physical endurance. In general, body parts are proportional, if you know what I mean. So, to conclude this rant, perhaps I have a chance(???). Unfortunately, my self-respect gets in the way of figuring out how to snag a one-nighter with a baseball player (who probably bangs hotter chicks). Dang. Madson is super-hot though. The Brewers should trade for him. They could definitely use another arm in the bullpen. Doug Melvin, are you listening?

A Follow-Up...

2008-09-18T16:38:00.001-07:00

I'm...

smarter
better looking
better personality
better job
better body
better career/future
more fun to hang out with

And I've learned from my experience. At least to not let sex get so mixed up with my emotions. On that front, I've fooled around with someone under completely unintentional drunken circumstances, and I kinda got shot down by someone else. It was quite surprising.

OMG, I have an internet hater!

2008-09-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

BSep 17, 2008 at 8:54 pm -
JOO, your icon repulses me and now I cannot have this page open while my kids are around.
Be back late tonight when they are asleep, have some stuff for you guys but cannot post it while that icon is blaring at us. *shudders*

This is from the Dreamin' Demon.

To B:

First of all, how old are your children? Can they read? If so, this is clearly not an appropriate website for children. If they are too young to read, they should be in bed before 8:54 PM. Granted, I don't know where this bitch lives. Giving her full benefit of the doubt, say she lives on the west coast and it's 5:54 PM. If your children are too young to read, they are also too young to be traumatized by some half-exposed boobs in a tiny avatar. So in any event, you're more pissed off about consenting adult boobs than stories about people raping and murdering children. Fantastic.

Here's a suggestion: SCROLL DOWN, YOU STUPID CUNT!

<3, JOO

Wow...OMG...Eww

2008-08-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

I took a look at the Craigslist personals today. I'm bored. I have issues.

Issues include:

I'm in a relationship. Seriously, I love the guy very much and I know he loves me. A few months ago some issues in our relationship bubbled to the surface after existing for a while but being undiscussed:

1. He had no job for over a year-plus. No money. No contribution to the household or even his own needs.
2. He had no plans for his future.
3. He had (has?) a drug problem.
4. We haven't had sex in over two years.

So a male friend pointed this out to me (except for number 4, which he wasn't aware of), and whatever, I end up sleeping with the dude. It was kewl for a while, like we were dating. I really liked the other guy a lot and could see a future with him, but clearly he didn't feel the same way. We got into a fight and haven't spoken since. A week after that, my boyfriend and I get into a fight where I discuss the four issues above, and sub-issues, and he pretty much sits there and listens. The only explanation he has for the sex thing is something about self-esteem, I don't know, I was too angry to really listen at that point. OK. So in the past three months since the argument, he has taken definite positive steps in the direction of issues 1-3. Job, plans for an apprenticeship, drastically reduced drug use. Still no sex.

So I think I'm going to cheat on him again. Which is really, really messed up. At one point I compared this whole thing to not wanting to quit one job before I had another one. My mother confronted me with "Don't waste your life with someone you don't really love," but I'm not. If I didn't love him I'd break up with him regardless of any fear of being alone (which is definitely a factor, trust me). So if I got another "job," like I thought I might possibly have with the other guy, I might leave him. I'm definitely not seeing anyone else currently, and in my heart I don't want to break up with him because I love him. At this point, I would like to have some casual sex with someone outside my social circle, since I'm not getting it at home and I really can't think of how to rectify that situation.

A note: I am not fat. I actually have a cute body. I'm above-average looking I think. No major acne or teeth problems.

I don't have any close female friends that I could just go out with "the girls" to meet some guys out somewhere. If I did, I'm sure I could meet someone decent-looking, not too gross, into the casual sex thing.

So today I checked out the Craigslist. And...yuck. Exactly what you think people looking for casual sex on the internets would be. 45 seeking half my age. Penis pictures quite possibly stolen from porno sites. "I'm a little heavy but I carry it well." Seriously, I didn't think I'd actually find anything interesting there, but definitely worse than I imagined.

Do I feel bad for seeking to cheat on my boyfriend? Definitely. I don't want to hurt him, and it causes me cognitive dissonance because I consider myself an honest and ethical person. But I also don't think I should be celibate the rest of my life because he has weird sex issues that he is not willing to explain. Or failing that, just no interest in sex, which is a weird sex problem for a man in his 20s.

As for the other guy, I'm happy what happened happened, because I don't know if the issues would have ever been discussed without his intervention. It sucks because we can't be friends anymore. I miss him as a friend very much, but I don't think a relationship between us would have really worked out. I think he wants/needs someone more passive than me. He's one of those men who likes to be the smarter one and in charge all the time. Pretty sure he hooked back up with his ex-wife. I hope his life is going well and he's happy.

The moral of the story--normal people, please don't look for sex on Craigslist.

Joo answers questions posed to advice columnists!

2008-08-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

This one is more like commentary on the letter, but whatev...

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend of 40 years, "Nick," started dating a woman about a month ago. Nick has been down on his luck personally and financially for several years. He called and asked if he could bring "Hattie" to our home for dinner. We agreed, hoping it would be a good relationship for him.
Within 15 minutes of meeting her, Hattie told me she was bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two small children, but when I asked where they were, she changed the subject. Nick doesn't have kids, and he's nearly 50.
When Hattie asked me for something to drink, I offered her tea or soda. She took the soda, then said she preferred beer and wine, and did I have any. I poured her a glass, then she asked for a second and proceeded to drink 2 1/2 bottles of wine. Later, she told me she had a "headache" and asked if I had anything for pain. I offered Tylenol. No, she wanted something with a "kick." Needless to say, they didn't stay long after that because she was looking for prescription medication, and we had none.
My husband told Nick that Hattie was not the type of woman he needed. Nick shrugged off my husband's advice of not seeing her anymore. Personally, I don't want that woman at my house again. If Nick calls and wants to bring Hattie around again, how should we say no? -- BEST FRIEND'S WIFE

First of all, why weren't you serving any alcoholic beverages with dinner? Clearly you don't live in Wisconsin. But for "Hattie's" benefit, here are the obvious rules for social drinking:

Other people are getting drunk, you may proceed to get drunk.
Other people are having a couple, you may get drunk, but it's tacky to do so.
Other people are not drinking at all, you may have a couple, but not get drunk.

That being said, Best Friend and his wife had at least three bottles of wine in their house and they weren't planning on having any at all? Saving it for themselves? Do you have a wine cellar?

Secondly, why did you ask where her children were? Hattie says, "I have two small children," and you reply "Where are they?" As in, "Where are they right now?" Obviously, if you're going to a friend's for dinner, chances are you're not going to drag the small children around. Since she didn't want to discuss "where" they are (as in they don't live with her), maybe she just feels it's none of your business.

Please don't think I'm standing up for Hattie here. She is clearly a nutjob. When she mentioned her headache, did she expect Best Friend's Wife to bust out, "We have Tylenol or would you like a Percocet?" Really, maybe that happens in some social circles, but BF and BFW don't even like to share their wine!

Finally, Best Friend tells Nick, who he's known for 40 years, "I don't think this is the type of woman you need to be seeing." Like Nick's his child or something. Perhaps that's not particularly surprising, since his wife drops the value judgement "he's been struggling personally and financially for several years." And you haven't, because you're perfect, right?

Bottom line. Yes, Hattie seems nuts. But so does Best Friend's Wife, and quite possibly, Best Friend. Nick is apparently one of those people who are weak-minded and find themselves surrounded by psychos. Poor guy.

Joo Answers Questions Posed to Advice Columnists

2008-08-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ooooh, another new feature! It's time for Joo Answers Questions Posed to Advice Columnists. Today's entry comes from Dear Abby.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child and selected names some time ago. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ethan; if it's a girl, we'll call her Ardith.
My father sent us a nasty e-mail telling us he's praying we have a boy because he couldn't imagine "saddling a child with a name like Ardith." This from a man who named his son "Seymour Herbert" and stuck with a last name that is an insult in two languages. (My brother and I grew so sick of being reminded of it that we changed our last name.) It wasn't even our original family name, but a badly Americanized name-gone-wrong that was laid on our grandfather when he came to this country.
My husband and I found my father's remarks extremely hurtful and wrote him to explain why we chose the name Ardith, but Dad persists in saying how much he hates our choice.
We know the name is old-fashioned and unusual. But considering what some celebrities name their children these days, Ardith doesn't seem weird to us. If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen. Meanwhile, how do we deal with my father when he keeps bugging us? -- EXPECTING ANY DAY NOW IN CALIFORNIA

Lady, sometimes your parents are right. Ardith sounds like you're saying "artist" with a lisp. These are the names you've picked: Ethan (third-most popular boy's name in 2007) and Ardith (857th most popular girl's name in 1914). Hmm. Comparing your choice to what celebrities name their children is ridiculous. Celebrity children go to private schools for extremely rich kids, so Moxie Crimefighter can commiserate with Audioscience and Pilot Inspektor. News flash, your kid will go to school with Emily, Jacob and Hannah. Also, your self-confidence is fantastic. "If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen." Don't be so sure. After all, you changed your last name that is your father's legacy that he passed down to you. Couldn't even wait until you got married, huh? No wonder he's sending you nasty e-mails.

Where is Caylee Marie Anthony?

2008-08-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard about this: http://www.dreamindemon.com/2008/08/08/casey-anthony-everyone-lies-everyone-dies.

I am completely obsessed with this case. Nothing has touched me like this since Amanda Reagan Smith/Devon Epps, and before that Melinda/Trenton Duckett, which got me reading true crime websites in the first place. The internet true crime community is just as obsessed as I am, and people are tearing the web apart looking for every possible connection to figure out what happened to this beautiful little girl. My theory is based on the principle that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I also have some sub-theories. So let's do this thing...

Casey Anthony is a 22-year-old who lives with her parents (George and Cindy) along with her brother, Lee, and her two-year-old daughter, Caylee. In early June, Casey and her mother had some sort of falling out that led to Casey taking Caylee and moving out to stay with friends. Perhaps Cindy refused to baby sit while Casey goes out for the 10 millionth time. So Casey leaves, but still maintains contact with her parents, since most of her stuff is still at their house, she needs money, food, toothpaste, TP, etc. Cindy takes Caylee to visit her father (Caylee's great-grandfather) at the nursing home on Father's Day. The next day, George says good-bye to Casey while she's "leaving for work" from their house in the morning, accompanied by Caylee, who's going to the "babysitter." That is the last time that anyone has seen Caylee. In the ensuing weeks, when anyone asks about Caylee, Casey has some kind of BS explanation. Around July 15, Cindy receives an impound notice for Casey's car (it's registered to Cindy). Cindy confronts Casey and threatens to have her arrested and get custody of Caylee. Cindy calls the police and Casey finally admits that Caylee is missing (for 31 days).

In interviews with the police, Casey lies about every possible aspect of the case. She claims to have left Caylee with the babysitter, Zenaida Fernandez-Gonzalez, at Zenaida's apartment. The apartment she claims is Zenaida's has been vacant since February. She claims to work at Universal Studios, and even leads the police to her "office." But she doesn't have an office, since she was fired in 2006. There are more lies, but jeez, I don't think Blogger has enough memory for me to list them all here. Point is, Casey has been of absolutely no help whatsoever in trying to locate her daughter, and is clearly covering up what really happened. Her immediate family has been supportive in the media, but no extended family or friends have come forward to support her. In fact, several of her friends voluntarily went to the police and called her out as a liar and thief. Cadaver sniffing dogs have smelled cadaver in both the trunk of the impounded car and the Anthony's backyard. So here is my theory of the case and attempt to answer some of the MANY unanswered questions.

Theory:

When Casey was staying with her parents she had a 24/7 free babysitter and came and went as she pleased. After the fight, she couldn't just leave her kid with her mom, and since her "hot party girl" image is such a huge part of her identity, she had to find alternative child care methods. She chose drugging Caylee into sleep and leaving her in the car. What substance did she use? Meh, don't know, Nyquil, alcohol, Benadryl... One day she gave her too much and Caylee stops breathing. Casey panics (well, after all, she murdered her child) and attempts to bury her in the yard. She thinks better of this, since her parents are having concrete pavers put in the yard in a couple of weeks (proven). So she puts Caylee in the trunk of her car. Once the smell becomes unbearable in the car she throws Caylee into one of the many lakes apparently located around Orlando. She then abandons the car and leaves her purse on the front seat, figuring someone would steal it. No one does, and here we are.

Casey pretending to go to work every morning for two years: She would just leave the house and hang out with equally loser friends all day and drag Caylee along.

How did she have money, other than what her parents provided? You would be surprised at how crackheads manage to come across money. Steal from K-Mart and return items to a different K-Mart. Take fly-by-night telemarketing jobs. Prostitute. Not "Hookers at the Point" prostitutes, or "Cathouse" prostitutes. Just regular, friends with benefits type hook-ups, but they also give you money "to buy yourself something nice" or whatever. If you know the guy who can get drugs, but a friend does not, you go along with them to buy and get some money or drugs for yourself on the side. Perhaps the name Zenaida Fernandez-Gonzalez was her alias for some of these type of scams. Whatev.

Why did all her friends turn on her? Because crackhead friends are not really your friends. As long as you're partying together, it's kewl. If you're forced to look at the people sober, you find you have nothing in common, can't relate, and probably don't even like each other.

**I wrote this on August 10, and since then the Orange County Sheriff's Department has released 400 pages of documents related to the case, and DNA results have come back that all but prove that Caylee's body was in the trunk of that car. Upon reading the documents, I take back my theory that Casey's "friends" were a bunch of crackheads. They actually seem like normal young people who party here and there, but aren't junkies by any means. It seems that Casey was deceiving them about her job and financial situation as much as she was deceiving her parents. Her main source of income seems to be stealing from her parents and grandparents, possibly supplemented by some drug or prostitute thing, but maybe not. I still stand by the rest of the theory, however.**

Rest in Peace, Caylee. <3

Annotated Ms. Article

2008-08-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Ooooh, a new feature. It's time for Annotated Magazine Articles with Joo, a Cuntservative. Today's entry comes from the summer 2008 edition of Ms.

What's on Your Ballot? Upcoming state initiatives may take away your rights—or give you new ones

By Kristina Wilfore

If a “definition of personhood” initiative gets passed in Colorado this November, you might be investigated if you experience a miscarriage. Really?

If an initiative to end affirmative action is passed in Arizona this fall, you may lose business if you’re a woman who receives government contracts. I'm sure the government will honor existing contracts. When they expire, the women will have to go through the same bidding process as everyone else.

If a marriage-discrimination initiative passes in California and you’re a lesbian newlywed, you’ll have to cut short the honeymoon. Duh.

In the November election, voters will be deciding whether to roll back equal-opportunity programs for women and people of color, discriminate against gays and lesbians in marriage and adoption, cut public education and threaten women’s health care. The big question is whether voters will buy what these ballot initiatives are selling.

According to public opinion research conducted for the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center this year, voters are heading into the election season with serious concerns about the country and a strong feeling that it is a rudderless boat. Perhaps most disconcerting, voters feel America is falling behind, and that the next generation is unlikely to have it better than this generation does. The research also shows that voters want to address the big problems the country faces.

Unfortunately, many right-wing-backed ballot initiatives don’t give voters the solutions they’re looking for. Instead, conservatives are using these initiatives as divisive tactics to try to distract voters. Of course! No one actually cares about murdering children, judging people on their merits rather than their membership in a "protected" group, or establishing a reasonable definition of what constitutes a marriage. They're being tricked by those devious Republicans! OMG!

A good example is California businessman Ward Connerly’s efforts to roll back equal opportunity in Arizona, Colorado, Missouri, Nebraska and Oklahoma (see Ms., Winter 2008). Connerly’s initiatives would rewrite state constitutions to ban affirmative-action programs for women and people of color. But the drive for these ballot measures does not necessarily come from within these states: Connerly has been using mercenary signature-gatherers and funds collected by his California organization from undisclosed donors. To date, he’s failed to gain enough support in Missouri to qualify for the ballot, had to withdraw his petitions in Oklahoma because of signature fraud and faces a lawsuit over 69,000 potentially fraudulent signatures collected in Colorado. In Arizona and Nebraska, Connerly has submitted his petitions and is awaiting approval to place the initiative on the ballot.

In the arena of women’s reproductive rights, the right wing is continuing its assault this year with anti-choice ballot initiatives in four states: California, Colorado, Montana and South Dakota. Californians are being asked to pass a parental notification measure that has already failed twice; South Dakotans will be asked to approve an only slightly less draconian version of an abortion ban that failed in 2006. The “definition of personhood” initiative in Colorado—which seeks to overturn Roe v. Wade by redefining personhood as the moment of fertilization—could outlaw certain forms of birth control and ban or restrict common fertility treatments in which multiple eggs are fertilized but only some are introduced into the mother’s womb. A supporter (who?) of a similar, failed Montana initiative suggested that women could even be investigated to see what they might have done to cause their miscarriages.

Finally, in California, an initiative has qualified for the ballot that would rewrite the constitution and overturn the recent court decision that ruled gay marriage was constitutional. If passed, only marriage between a man and a woman would be valid or recognized in California. Some believe that this issue will put California into play for John McCain in November by turning out conservative votes, but progressives are energized to protect the court’s decision, and public opinion continues to move against barring marriage for gay and lesbian couples.
Arizonans, too, will vote this fall on a constitutional gay-marriage ban, and Floridians face a measure that would outlaw recognition of all same-sex partnerships. Still in the signature-collection process is an Arkansas initiative to take away adoption rights from "all unmarried couples" (i.e., gay couples). And...that will be up to the voters to decide.

Progressive women can feel hopeful about a number of other “kitchen table” initiatives on the ballot this fall designed to help families weather the economic recession. In Missouri, for example, signatures have already been submitted for an initiative requiring the state to produce 15 percent of its electricity from renewable energy by 2021. Research by the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center shows that voters believe this is both achievable and necessary to free Americans from dependence on foreign oil and reduce global warming.

Several health initiatives are also either gathering signatures or have qualified for the November ballot, responding to the anxiety of voters about losing health insurance during these tough economic times. Montana is circulating an initiative that would extend health-care coverage to all of the state’s uninsured children, and in Wisconsin, local health-care-reform referendums are moving forward that would ask the legislature to take action on universal health care.

Additionally, a home-health-care initiative on the ballot in Missouri would help the elderly and disabled to continue living independently by better recruiting, training and stabilizing the state’s home-care workforce. In Ohio, petitions are being circulated for a Healthy Families initiative that would guarantee seven days paid sick leave, and in the city of Milwaukee, a similar measure extending paid sick leave is likely to make the ballot. Michigan activists are stumping for an initiative allowing voters to restore the legality of stem-cell research. Are voters being tricked by Democrats into voting on these "divisive" issues?

While the country engages in a big national election, it’s important to remember that “all politics is (are) local.” Be sure to come prepared with the facts about your local initiatives, so that you know what sort of change you’re voting for.

www.westallisdates.com

2008-08-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Milwaukee Barbies

Galleria Barbie:This princess Barbie is only sold in Elm Grove. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Note: Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.

Brookfield Barbie:This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.

Marquette Barbie:This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small untraceable bills, unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

The Oak Creek Barbie:This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included is her own Starbuckscup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

UWM Barbie:Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we mean get an education. Comes with standard issue shorts with “UWM” printed largely on the butt. Also comes wearing latest “themed” sorority party T-shirt, hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest in “knock off” Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic, undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately.

West Allis Barbie:This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

River Hills Barbie:This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on her boat. Percocet prescription available.

South Milwaukee Barbie:This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Cudahy Barbie’s (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

River west Barbie:This slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Brookfield Barbie without a shower. Comes complete with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of PBR. There are accessory packages with various assortments of body piercing and tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately because, like, she doesn’t have a job.

Bay view Barbie:This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, arch less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her”Willow” She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Bay view Barbies, and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

North side Barbie:This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangster Ken and his ‘79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Southside Barbie:This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Southside Barbie or Ken.

East Side Barbie/ Ken:This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts

Consider this in conjunction with the website www.westallisdates.com.

A strong unpleasant feeling...

2008-08-07T20:57:00.002-07:00

Ugh. I don't consider myself a jealous person, and I honestly can only think of one other situation in my life where I've felt jealous in regard to my relationship with a man. Via some internet stalking, I was able to find out a little insider information about someone I was involved with but haven't spoken to for a significant period of time. Hey, it's public record. I feel if it's on the internet, feel free to look. Driving past someone's house, different story. Anyhoo, without going into specifics, this information immediately caused a strong, unpleasant, unfamiliar feeling. I thought about it for about half a second and then I realized...I'm jealous. And here I thought I was pretty much over it. This sucks. There was no closure and I get that the feeling is partially caused by that. I am also sad about losing the friendship. But seriously, I feel jealous. Then, I feel ashamed for feeling jealous. I just have to get this out of my mind and move on. As I said to my boyfriend, he's an adult and can make his own decisions. I truly believe that in my heart. And I was a bitch to him. I'm free to disagree with his decision but clearly my opinion doesn't make any kind of difference whatsoever so why even bother thinking about it (or blogging about it, jeez). Well, this is actually alleviating the jealousy somewhat. I also don't need to tear someone else down to make myself feel better, so I'm not going to sit here and just rip on the other people involved. All I know is I have a lot of positive stuff going for me and the future can only get better. I just have to work hard and do my thing. Everything else is up to God or fate or luck or random coincidence or whatever you want to call it.

From "The Simpsons"...

Bart: Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I've never had before.
Lisa Simpson: It's called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepressible youth. ...

Can't Believe It...

2008-08-07T20:57:00.001-07:00

I got bored with the social experiment after a few days.

Today...

2008-07-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

Went for a walk. Got shit on by a bird. "I'm being shit on, that's all, shit on!" Literally.
Returned home, watched some TV.
Ate three pieces of pizza, which cost me a NutriSum point.
Watched more TV, fell asleep.
Woke up, shower, blah blah blah...
Weighed myself: 121.
Read newspaper, bus, went to work...
Breakfast: blueberry yogurt and Diet Coke.
Worked. Was irritated by some work-related stuff but it's kind of irrelevant unless you work there.
Dude got the job. Yay. Found out my car is not suitable for driving on the freeway, so really, what's the point of driving period.
Ate lunch: vegetables, rice, spaghetti, cottage cheese, roll, craisins, orange.
Worked. Wrote some notes down about the stuff that irritated me because believe me, it will be addressed.
Went to my mom's work for a ride home.
Arrived at home, ate two more pieces of pizza. This costs me two NutriSum points for today, because I'm trying to keep my calories down. Consequently, I'm skipping one of my whole grains and one of my vegetable points.
Read on the internet.
Went for a walk. Since it rained again, the KK river is really high and the current is much faster than usual.
Came home. He cleaned the house because it seemed like I was in a bad mood and he wanted to make me feel better. That's really nice, but it didn't work.
Wrote this post.

Today

2008-07-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

This covers approximately 11:00 PM last night through now...

Paid some bills and wrote out the check for my rent.
Stalked someone on CCAP.
Watched TV.
Went to sleep, had weird dreams. It had to do with making hot chocolate at a gathering at my friend's parents' house, then I had my parents pick me up to go get some brats. For some reason we stopped at this super-fancy restaurant. I had to wait while my parents did something and I was sitting by a dessert cart. I grabbed a piece of chocolate cake with my hands and ran out of the restaurant, where some restaurant worker was waiting in the bushes to catch me. I was led back into the restaurant, where the haughty old-woman owner made some comment about only letting "elite" families into the restaurant. Something to the effect of "This is what happens when you let 'those kind of people' into places like this." I think I ended up back at my friend's parents' house with the brats somehow after that, and there was something about watching a basketball game on TV.
Woke up, brushed teeth, showered, got dressed, combed hair.
Weighed myself: 123.
Walked to the bus stop, read the newspaper, waited for the bus.
Went to work.
Ate breakfast: blueberry yogurt and a Diet Coke.
Worked.
Ate lunch: vegetable sandwich, vegetables, rice, cottage cheese, nectarine. It was approx. 622 calories.
Worked more.
Ugh, went to a team meeting. They suck, but this one wasn't too horrible. The dumb-ass of our team participated via a conference call, so it was better than usual.
Worked a little more.
Walked to my mom's work for a ride home.
Arrived at home. I want to know how my boyfriend's job interview went, but he isn't here and he didn't leave a note. And I can't call him because we share a phone. WTF...
Ate one of those Uncle Ben's Whole Grain rice packets.
Read some of those websites.
Posted the Britney post.
Posted this one.

Hey, guess who's home. Tomorrow will be from about 8 PM to whenever I post!

More on Britney

2008-07-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

Most of these young Hollywood celebutante types are not particularly bright. Most of them haven't even graduated high school. But Britney seems actually kind of slow. The other thing is that she was built up to be the most beautiful, sexy girl in the world and it was all youth, airbrushing and marketing. Her success came between ages 16 and 22, when most people are at their peak of attractiveness. Then she had a couple of kids right in a row, and her looks faded. She stopped her crazy Madonna-like exercise and touring routine, and she simply got older and her body changed. Seemingly overnight, she went from future MILF to a saggy 25-year-old with two kids and a douchebag mooch husband. Then the media (the "airbrushing and marketing" part of this equation) turned on her. That's gotta mess with someone's self-esteem. Having no real friends and family that's just out to spend her money can't help either. Clearly she couldn't handle it and it led to a month's-long public nervous breakdown. Hopefully she really is getting the help she needs to get a handle on her life. Maybe she'll decide she wants to return to performing (let's hope not, because the world doesn't need more crappy computerized music). Maybe not. But her real goal should be a return to emotional stability and the ability to be a mother to her sons. If all she does after that point is live off her fortune and stay out of the public eye, it will be an achievement for her.

A Social Experiment

2008-06-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today I'm starting this experiment where I will blog everything I do throughout the day. It will cover the week of June 30 through July 6. Let's see if my life is as boring as I think it is.

Woke up, brushed teeth, showered, got dressed, combed hair.
Weighed myself: 122.
Read newspaper, got on bus, went to work.
Ate breakfast, two plums and a Diet Coke.
Worked. It was uneventful.
Ate lunch, half a panini, cottage cheese, a nectarine, rice, vegetables and salsa.
Worked. Still uneventful. Discovered that you can listen to the Mark Belling podcast without downloading it, so I can listen at any time throughout the workday. Sweet.
Walked to my mom's work for a ride home.
Arrived at home.
Went for a walk for 80 minutes, went to Pick 'n Save and bought some Uncle Ben's whole grain microwavable rice and vegetables.
Ate one packet of rice and read some of those websites I read.
Watched Intervention.
Read more internet stuff.
Updated my list of movies.
Wrote this post.

I will pick up tomorrow starting with what I did after this post.

Coming Soon--Update

2008-06-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

I don't think I will actually ever write full posts on these topics, so here are all of them in a nutshell:

1. Why People Cheat
Generally, because there's something wrong with the relationship they're in. The other case is where someone is just a sex addict.

2. What's wrong with Britney Spears (also applies to Lindsay Lohan...)
They've been the main financial support for their families from a young age. If you don't get this part, we lose the house. But hey, no pressure!

3. Why some people can't acknowledge Brett Favre's greatness
Obsession with rules and the proper way of doing things. His form is bad, he skips practice, takes crazy risks...He breaks the rules with spectacular success.

4. The Hills--real or fake?
Mixed feelings on this topic. If it's 100% fake, I'd write it to be more interesting. Like Melrose Place. It's like when you relay a story about an event in your life to someone who may not know all the people involved. It's normal to slightly change some of the details of the story to make it make more sense to an outside observer. That's basically the fakeness of The Hills. They reenact some details of the stories to make it make more sense to us. But damn, Lauren Conrad's life must be confusing. How does that chick know where the show ends and her life begins? Plus, all the people on that show get too much sun or something, because they're all 22 and look 32. In particular, Lauren's ex, Jason. Holy crap. But Brody Jenner is hot, though.

5. The Cunservative Manifesto
Meh, I'm not even sure where I was going with this one.

My Top Ten (go on, count them!) Movies

2008-06-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Amazon Women on the Moon
Election
Cruel Intentions
Legally Blonde (thus concludes the Reese Witherspoon portion of the program)
American Beauty
Training Day
Clueless
Dude, Where's My Car?
Heathers
Go
Mean Girls
Major League
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Wayne's World
A League of their Own
Being John Malkovich
There's Something About Mary
The Brady Bunch Movie (1 and 2)
Mary Poppins
Pulp Fiction

McBride's Media Matters--Invitation Only :-(

2008-04-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

I am sad. Jessica McBride has been driven from the blogosphere (not a big fan of that word) by assholes like whoever writes Whallah. If somebody knows of a conservative-leaning blog that exists merely to make fun of liberal blogs' writing style, please let me know. Ridiculous. Anyway, I will miss her writing much like I miss her radio show. I'd enroll in her class at UWM if I could. Although I don't agree with her letting the assholes win, I understand her reasons. Like I said back when she was fired from TMJ, I know she will be successful in whatever career path she chooses.

Coming Soon!

2007-10-25T18:53:00.001-07:00

Blog posts coming soon:

• Why people cheat
• What’s wrong with Britney Spears
• Why some people cannot acknowledge Brett Favre’s greatness

The Hills--real or fake?
• A Cuntservative Manifesto

Blog Fight

2007-10-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well, my friends, it looks like we have a blog fight. Long story short, there is a blog devoted to criticizing Jessica McBride. Another local liberal blogger left a comment there referring to Jessica as a “cunt.” Later, in a post on his own blog, he posts an entry claiming that the true meaning of the word is (paraphrasing) “a stupid or silly person.” Still later, after receiving negative feedback regarding the use of that term, he posts an apology to both Jessica and anyone else who was offended. My thoughts can best be summed up in the following bullet points:

How like a liberal to back off a position on an issue after being criticized by an “offended” group!
We all know that the dictionary definition of “bitch” is “female dog,” yet when anyone uses “bitch” we know exactly what they’re referring to. Hmmm. Illusory Tenant is too clever of a writer to make these kinds of excuses.
While I completely understand Jessica’s offense, and she makes fabulous points about it on her blog, I feel that society in general is too easily offended by words. My generation grew up with the gangster rap and we use language differently. See Dlisted and old Savage Love columns, for example. In that spirit, I am now identifying myself as “A Cuntservative” on my blog! Trust me, someday you old people will be voting for us cuntservatives.

Why people have a problem with the gays...

2007-10-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

(I’m not talking about truly committed homophobes here. I’m talking about people who don’t openly say anything bad about gay people, but go in a voting booth and drop the “No” on allowing gay marriage. I’m talking about those who wouldn’t say anything derogatory when possible gay people might possibly be in earshot, but feel free to let the fag-bombs fly around friends and family…)
It’s because homosexuals openly display their sexuality. For the average person, homosexual sex is a weird, kinky practice. Heterosexual sex (regular penis-to-vagina) is the norm. Other sex acts commonly performed between heterosexuals have an element of weird-kinkiness to them; like any aspect of sexual behavior, they aren’t typically discussed in public. Less-common acts between heterosexuals are treated with the same type of derision found in the typical response to homosexuality. The average American reacts with fear and disgust at even “normal” sexual behavior when that behavior is displayed in the mass media. It is difficult for many to fathom that one’s sexuality is a major feature of personality. Homosexual sex is obviously a defining characteristic of the homosexual culture; therefore, many people react with the typical fear and disgust. If most Americans could somehow be convinced that gays don’t actually have sex (ever), that they just live together like roommates (or, I would argue, OLD MARRIED COUPLES); homosexuality may be fully accepted in the American culture. Or if we could change the bizarre double standards and contradictions in how sexuality is popularly viewed, then maybe homosexuality may become more mainstream. Yeah, good luck with that.

If you think I'm a racist, don't read my blog!

2007-06-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

Beliefs of the Urban Subculture:

Conservatives want members of the urban subculture to get married, raise their children, get jobs, not murder each other, etc.

Members of the urban subculture believe that by doing that, they will be obeying the commands of a ruling class

Members of the urban subculture do the exact opposite of what the conservatives want them to do, disregarding the reality that they would have a healthier community if they did

The facts:

Members of the urban subculture assume that all conservatives are rich and have it easy. This is obviously not true. Success in life requires hard work, education, and not participating in criminal activity, among many other qualities. While members of the urban subculture face discrimination, they also have access to many resources designed to help them overcome these obstacles. Members of the urban subculture as well as conservatives benefit from individuals choosing to raise their children, become educated and employed, and not commit crimes. It’s not a matter of submitting to the will of a ruling class; it’s an acceptance of the social responsibility of living in a civilized society.

New Jessica McBride Controversy

2007-05-20T14:38:00.001-07:00

So Jessica McBride has been fired from her radio show for being "offensive." Or, if you believe the press release issued by the station, so they can air sports-related programming in the evening. What happened? In a segment on Jessica's podcast, she asked Milwaukee Journal Sentinel "race" columnist Eugene Kane the following question (I'm paraphrasing):

Now that a four-year-old has been shot in a drive-by shooting, will you finally acknowledge that there is a violent-crime crisis in Milwaukee?

Since Eugene Kane refused to participate in the podcast, we couldn't hear his response. Instead, we heard the sound of a squawking chicken.

Those offended by this segment claim that Jessica was making light of the death of a four-year-old. Maybe it's just me, but I think she was making fun of...Eugene Kane. Who, in fact, was too chicken to participate in the podcast and answer questions like the one above. So how do I feel about this situation?

This segment was on a podcast, not on the radio. To listen to it, one would have to go to the website and download it. That person presumably would be seeking out that kind of material and most likely would not be offended by it.
The only people who really have a right to be offended are members of the four-year-old's family and other people who knew her personally. Most likely they are not seeking out opinion-based podcasts regarding the larger implications of her death.
If the segment was on the actual radio, a member of the four-year-old's family may accidentally hear it. But it wasn't.

Those of us who enjoy entertaining and intelligent local talk radio but are generally unable to listen during the day will definitely miss having Jessica on the air. If she decides to continue her radio career, I'm sure she will find opportunities. Perhaps a 9-midnight shift on the real conservative talk station in town, instead of Sporting News Radio or whatever they air now? Anyway, show Jessica some support by visiting her blog at http://mcbridemediamatters.blogspot.com. She also has a great post about "Ezequiel Lopez" (if that is his real name). He's an illegal immigrant who murdered a police officer because he was mad at his (Lopez's) wife.

Check out my MySpace!

2007-05-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.myspace.com/joo420

Some Gorgeous Women

2006-09-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

The Cheeto Gang

2006-08-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

Over at my favorite blog, DListed, the comment threads are a bit of a free-for-all. They tend to veer off-topic quite a bit, which is apparently contrary to the rules of netiquette. Excuse me while I puke after I use that word. It’s not so much that the posts are off-topic, but often an aspect of the topic starts a whole new conversation on its own. Also, DListed has many regular commenters, which leads to a bit of “Hi, how’s it going,” type stuff. Occasionally a thread gets to the point where it no longer has anything to do with the topic and it becomes a personal conversation. Well, that wasn’t the case about two months ago, when much more personal conversation was tolerated. There was a clique of commenter known as the Cheeto gang. They had many inside jokes and were off-topic more often than on, but they were generally funny, clever and entertaining. In some thread that was deleted before I got the pleasure of reading it they were constantly being picked on by this LaGarce character, who was basically a French idiot who could barely write English making irritating, insulting comments. The Cheeto gang began endlessly bugging Michael K to ban LaGarce from commenting, citing that he was off-topic, racist, and offensive (talk about kiddy porn, etc). Michael K responded that if he was going to ban LaGarce on those grounds, most of their conversational commenting would have to be banned as well. I don’t agree with his reasoning, since LaGarce wasn’t contributing anything to the entertainment value of the site, while the Cheetos did. However, it’s his site and he can run it as he chooses. Well, the Cheetos decide to “hit MK where it hurts” and boycott his site. And his hits go up after their boycott begins. The thing they didn’t understand is that their comments weren’t bringing anyone to DListed. The content of the blog draws the hits, while the comments are just value added. The gang sets up their own blog to converse among themselves, which is a great idea. The main topic of the blog…lurking on DListed to see who’s commenting, and talking shmack about the regular commenters who didn’t go along with the boycott. Their level of obsession about DListed is borderline psycho. The only proof of this blog’s existence that I’ve seen was posted in a comment thread on DListed a few day’s ago. Apparently one of the Cheetos was a traitor and he/she revealed the gang’s blog to the DListed audience. He/she posted two long threads consisting of insulting comments about Michael K and other posters back from when the boycott first started in early July. Lately, some of those Cheetos have been reappearing on the comment threads like nothing happened, and rumors are flying that they post anonymously to insult the “new” regulars and complain about being OFF TOPIC. Of all things, hmmm. I believe the traitor Cheeto waited until now, when a steady stream of Cheetos come trickling back, to out them. Am I glad he/she did? Kind of, because this whole thing is like an internet soap opera, honestly. But it’s like fifth grade. But now, I am going to call out some of those Cheetos (I have opinions about some of the other posters on DListed as well, but I am going to keep those to myself):

Mouse: ringleader of Cheetos. Constantly online. Supposedly has a big-dicked Latino boyfriend named Rey. Rarely ever posts funny or interesting comments, but for some reason has lots of followers.
Scout: Made herself a disturbing animated avatar of Michael K’s face disappearing into a black and red wave. Comments were consistently well-written and interesting.
Sassy Ass: called out Michael K on the Cheeto blog and returned to DListed like nothing happened, and was busted.
Little Bunny Foo Foo: some of the best comments on DListed. Unfortunately a psycho.
Katie Scarlett: alleged DListed mole for the Cheetos.

Why are (I’m assuming) adults wasting their time obsessing over strangers commenting on a website? I am the last person to use the “you fat virgin living in your parent’s basement online all day” card, but I think there are some overweight, chaste, regressed teenagers in this Cheeto crew. Cheetos: go outside, walk to a liquor store, and get drunk on the walk back. Talk to people on the street. Go home, read a non-tabloid newspaper with news in it. Take a nap. Repeat, over and over, until that thing we call FRIENDSHIP WITH REAL PEOPLE develops. Maybe get a job that challenges you a little bit so you don’t spend 40 hours a week plotting internet revenge. If you concentrated on your offline life as hard as your online life, you may not be such (troll cliché coming up) H8erzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday Night TV

2006-08-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Two of my favorite TV shows are on Sunday nights, Intervention and Flavor of Love. I think Michael K over at DListed has Flavor of Love covered, so I’m going to tell you a little about Intervention. Every show follows the same script:

Intro: So-and-So and So-and-So have agreed to be in a documentary about addiction. They have no idea they will soon face an intervention.

Scene 1: Subject looks into the camera, spells out his or her first name (“My name is Amy, A-M-Y”) and tells us what their problem is (“and I’m a heroin and meth addict.”)

Scene 2: Family and friends tell the audience about the subject’s crazy behavior, and then tell us how they weren’t always that way, and include some fond memories and childhood pictures.

**commercial**

Scene 3: We are treated to a typical day in the subject’s life, usually including the crazy stuff they go through to “score.”

**commercial**

Scene 4: Subject’s family, and one or two former close friends from the “pre-addiction” days, gather with the interventionist and have a meeting to get them all on the same page. The interventionists are Jeff VanVonderen and Candy something-or-other.

Scene 5: The day of the intervention. Family and friends gather in a hotel room where the subject is supposed to meet them for the final interview for the “documentary.” Subject shows up and hugs and kisses amongst the friends and relatives they haven’t seen for a while commence. Interventionist stands up, shakes the subject’s hand and says “These people love you a whole lot and they have some things to tell you,” or words to that effect. The family begins to read HIGHLY SCRIPTED letters to the subject:

Intervention letter script:

A pleasant memory about pre-addiction times with the subject

How the subject’s addiction has negatively affected the loved one’s relationship with him or her

A plea for the subject to enter treatment today (emphasize today)

At this point, the subject either protests his or her need for treatment at all, or else tries to buy time before he or she has to leave to “handle some business.” In other words, they want one last chance to get fucked up. Jeff or Candy informs him or her that the family will provide any resources the subject needs to get his or her affairs in order before he or she leaves for treatment. This inspires a round of “But this, but that” protests from the subject, all of which are masterfully refuted by the interventionists. Many subjects accept treatment at this point. Some of the more stubborn subjects need to hear the final item in the intervention letters, the consequences. Here, the family members and friends threaten to end all financial and emotional support for the subject and issue the ultimatum that if the subject doesn’t accept treatment TODAY that their relationships will be terminated. In every episode I’ve seen, even the most addicted subjects agree to enter treatment at this point.

**commercial**

Scene 6: The subject is shown on an airplane traveling to some treatment center somewhere. He or she is introduced to the people who run the facility, and is shown settling into their new home.

Scene 7: Where are they now? This is where we find out, via short interviews and white words on a black background, whether or not the subject completed treatment and remained clean. Some do, some don’t. Some are clean for a while, and then start using again.

Why do I like this show so much?

It’s entertaining to watch the hoops these crazy people jump through in their everyday lives simply to maintain their addicted lifestyle
Every single episode is the same, which adds a certain cheesy quality—Addicts are so predictable!
The interventionists are humorous in their staunch beliefs that these people WILL DIE if they don’t go to treatment TODAY, and their “recovery” attitudes in general
I have been around many, many people with substance abuse issues and I have had to confront them myself, so it hits close to home
Most importantly, Intervention raises interesting issues regarding the dynamics between the addict’s lifestyle and how their loved ones enable that lifestyle. It lets you draw your own conclusions about those connections, unlike so many shows that beat the viewer over the head with “explanations” of the “issues” involved.

Read This!

2006-08-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

This is so awesome that I can't even think of anything to say right now!

http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=482936

You suck!

2006-08-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

In the recent debate between the Republican candidates for Wisconsin attorney general, candidate J.B. Van Hollen responded to an interruption by his opponent, Paul Bucher, with the following: “Will you ever listen? That's why you suck, Paul, because you only listen to people who agree with you.” You suck? This man is running for attorney general, the state’s top prosecutor. So, will he tell defense attorneys, “Hey, your evidence sucks,” if he’s elected? Lawyers graduate with essentially doctorate degrees, they have to pass several standardized tests, and learn lots of Latin terms. After all that, the best rebuff to a debate opponent that he can come up with is “you suck”?

By the way, don’t these two look like a couple of weenies?

What does Joo mean?

2006-08-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

There is an episode of South Park where the gang is building a ladder to Heaven to visit their dead friend Kenny. They are discussing why the ladder isn't reaching Heaven when Eric Cartman suggests that the reason their ladder isn't working is that one of them doesn't believe enough; that one of them is a JOO. You see, Kyle is Jewish, and Cartman is a racist a-hole who can't spell. One of my friends and I are huge South Park fans, and we share South Park references all the time. JOO is our nickname for each other.

A short explanation of the situation in the Middle East:

2006-08-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

The world’s three major religions claim Palestine as a Holy Land, and they’ve been fighting over it throughout history. Great Britain won the Holy Land, currently known as Israel and Jordan, from the Ottoman Empire after World War I. Jordan is now an Arab/Muslim country, but Israel has a much more complicated story. The British decided to designate the area west of the river Jordan as Israel, for the Jews, and east of the river as an Arab state, Jordan. The Arabs aren’t satisfied with just having the land east of the river Jordan, however. The United Nations intervenes and declares that the Arabs should rule over Jordan, the West Bank, and the Gaza Strip, and the Israelis would rule over the rest of the land west of the river. The Israelis accept this deal, the Arabs reject it. Terrorism and fighting has occurred basically non-stop since. The Palestinians and their “supporters” argue that they are simply fighting to give the Palestinians their own country/home. That is a lie. In the past year, Israel has essentially given the Palestinians their own state. They have abandoned all settlements in the Gaza Strip and declared it an area of Palestinian self-rule. Yet the terrorism continues, and the fighting gets worse. The Palestinians and their benefactors in the Arab world (Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran, etc.) are emboldened as they feel they are closer to achieving their goal, the destruction of Israel, reclaiming the Holy Land for the Arabs, and the death or flight of all the Jews from the Middle East. They fight a war with actual weapons, and they fight a war against the Western way of life by indoctrinating young Arabs with their racist beliefs. This has given rise to the international terrorism against any Western countries, regardless of whether or not they support Israel. The powers-that-be in the Arab world are using the Palestinians to achieve their own goals.

Sources:

http://www.mideastweb.org/briefhistory.htm
http://www.masada2000.org/historical.html
http://www.mideastweb.org/timeline.htm

Hot Slut of the Day Update!

2006-08-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

This is not a Jessica McBride fansite by the way. BUT, this quote from Laurel Walker's column in today's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel illustrates why Jessica qualifies as a hot slut. "There was the time, too...that fledgling radio talker Jessica McBride, got so ticked off at me for my columns about [Jessica's husband] and her political pals that she tried to get me fired with a days-long rant on her internet blog..." Hee hee hee. She plays dirty!

Milwaukee Hot Slut of the Day!

2006-08-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

Milwaukee Hot Slut of the Day!
(huge shoutout to Michael K and DListed!)

Jessica McBride

(disclaimer: Being the HSotD is a compliment! It means that I’m cool with someone’s style, image and what they stand for. I may make fun of the HS in a lighthearted manner, but it is purely out of respect!)

Why is Jessica the MHSotD?

She’s not afraid to loudly proclaim her opinion over that of a guest or a caller. This quality may not be conducive to normal conversation, but it makes for awesome radio!

2006-07-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

Testes one two three