Monday, November 24, 2008

The only good thing about Florida is...

Housing bubble?
Alligators?
Old people?
Florida/Florida State/University of Miami?
Tony Montana?
Trailer parks?
Casey Anthony?
2000 election (OMG, I don't know who I voted for because I'm too stupid to read the ballots!)
Heat/humidity/rain?

Hmm, I'll get back to you when I think of something. Asshole.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Work Complaint

I work in a call center that's divided into 8 teams (press one for this, two for that, etc). One of the people from a different team called our line today with a question from a caller. I answered the question. She replied that the caller had already spoken with the person I recommended could solve the problem at hand, and that person suggested to call us. I reiterated that the person I recommended that the caller speak to is the correct person to handle that issue. The co-worker asked if I would ask one of our supervisors who the correct person to help this caller would be. I couldn't, since they were both out of the office for the evening.

Bitch, own your call and do your own research. How about you call one of the supervisors personally if you don't like my (correct) answer?

Anyway, I told her to offer to call the person back and ask her manager about the problem tomorrow morning. Pretty sure I don't get paid to train people on how to be effective phone reps in happenstance phone calls, but hey, this is yet another reason why I WILL GET PROMOTED BEFORE YOU!

alt.suicide.methods

Thinking of killing yourself? Some would tell you to seek counseling or call a suicide hotline. Not your friend JOO however. You should visit the Google group alt.suicide.methods. You will be feeling better about your life in no time, because at least you're not one of those losers. The following are some insights I've gained from browsing that bulletin board:

  • The only 100% effective suicide method is shooting yourself in the face with a shotgun. You could miss with any other kind of gun and leave yourself a vegetable. Then your life would really be a failure. Similar failures could occur with drug overdoses, car accidents, hanging...
  • It's important to consider who will find your body. I personally wouldn't want my mom discovering my corpse with my brain sprayed all over my apartment. If the thought of a loved one needing to identify your nearly decapitated body bothers you, perhaps you're not really ready to die.
  • Bullets are often found in the wall behind a person who commits suicide via gunshot. This is because they have buyer's remorse. So if you want to murder someone and make it look like a suicide, shoot the wall behind them a couple times.
  • Depression is a bitch and nothing to be taken lightly. The only way to fight it is to get out there and live your life. Yes, therapy and medication help people, but sitting in your house dwelling on how much you hate life doesn't help anything. The meaning of life is found in work, learning, developing your skills and personality, enjoying music, art, sports, cars, whatever, and LIVING. Not sitting on the computer contemplating dying.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

So you got a comment. La dee freakin' da.

At work, I have been given the opportunity to move to a different team within our department. Basically, we have a hiring freeze, so they're re-allocating resources. Our manager announced the move on Friday. Apparently since then, people have been talking about it. It's caused a buzz. Why does she get this opportunity? Who were the other candidates? You know, if another team needs someone, please consider me. It blows my mind that people talk about me.

1. I got this opportunity because I do a better job than you and I deserve a promotion, but they are scared to promote me because it would piss off people like you. So they're moving me to a team where promoting me would piss off fewer people.

2. There weren't other candidates. They wanted me, period. If I said no, they'd then figure out another candidate.

3. And now that you've expressed interest in more challenging work, like I did, long ago, perhaps you will be considered for the next opening.

But again, that's why I was so amazed that I got a comment. It freaks me out that people talk about me at all.

P.S. One of the many reasons I'm happy to be moving to the other team is...there's cute guys over there. As opposed to no guys over here. I'm going to bang the shit out of one dude. Heh. Anyhoo, if I do, you'll read about it here...

OMG! I have a comment!

It was from May of 2007, and I didn't even know. From a pretty well-known blogger in Milwaukee, too. Huh. Weird, it's like he searched for the topic, found it on my blog of all places, and commented. On a mistake I made, which is fine. I guess I'm in total shock that someone left me a comment. Wow.

Keep Internet Stuff on the Internet

Here I am addressing the issue of blog cliques. Again...

Over at Dreamin' Demon, there was a group of regulars. Then the Caylee Anthony case brought a whole bunch of new readers. So many that they had to upgrade their server. Some of them became regulars as well. Now it's new vs. old regulars in a debate over the "spirit" of the site. Pre-Caylee, the feeling there was very atheist, anti-religion, adults only, expressing the outrage over the cases discussed but definitely not from a faith-based perspective. It was the type of place where people would not be offended by my avatar! Caylee has attracted more people who openly express their faith, "I'm praying for you" type messages, etc. People who would be offended by my avatar. The people who actually run the joint have done a great job of allowing both of the groups to co-exist. All I do is go, make my little comments, post my bewbs, and leave. I did change my avatar for them because I don't want anyone to be so distracted by my avatar that they don't understand my message.

Point is, a website is its owner's to run as that owner chooses. The people who visit really have no say in it, and can find a different way to spend their time if it really is a problem for them.

Another random thought: the more readers a blog has, the dumber the comments are. Dlisted was not very popular during their blog fight, but the comments were always super-entertaining. Now that it's popular, I don't go near the comments. Even on blind items. Many of the posters who caused the fight have migrated to Crazy Days and Nights. Less popular, better comments. I don't know, just an observation. This is in no way a criticism of the actual content of the blogs. If they're linked here, they're good. It's the comments.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Best America's Next Top Model Quotes Ever...

Some of these may be more like paraphrases, but...

Mr. Jay to Brittany (c4): This is the first shot. In the second shot, your top is off. In the third shot, you're on your knees.

Coryn to Lisa: And what are you doing, alcoholic bitch?

Tyra to Joanie: Janice would never tell you to do that. Janice is a really good model.

Janice to Gina: Zip it, bitch. You're dead in my book.

Elyse to confessional: All of your parents must be ashamed of you.

Jael to 50 Cent: I'm half-black and half-Jewish. I'm blewish. You can't hang with that.

Fatima to random girl who didn't make the show (maybe Shalynda?): Can I call you bitch?

Samantha in interview: They're having their lesbian bath moment...

Jade to ?: This is not America's Next Top Best Friend!

Eva to Ann? Amanda? Confessional?: I'm a black woman from LA. What do I want with some crystals?

Nnenna to Gina: What's Jade going to do? Spank you?

Guaranteed I will think of more. What's up with MTV and VH1 not having non-stop America's Next Top Model marathons anymore? I'll take that over Real Chance of Love anytime!

More from the advice columnists...

Best advice columnist ever--Dan Savage of Savage Love. The only reason to read the insanely overrated Onion. Well, I guess their movie and music reviews are pretty good too. But I digress...

I love my husband. But he won't eat it. Absolutely won't lick me down there. I do everything for him! We've even started ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass while I blow him. I've explained to him that I can't come—not hard!—without it. He insists that he never will go there, and he has accused me of trying to make him do something totally against his moral code. I'm distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him! What do I do?

Unlicky In Love

Cheat on him already, UIL.

And while you're online searching for a man who'll go down on you, UIL, I'm going to go online and Google "moral codes." I'm curious about this mysterious moral code your husband cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but forbids cunnilingus entirely. I know it's not a Catholic thing—I was an altar boy—but maybe it's a Mormon delusion, like magic underpants and coffeephobia and "Mitt Romney 2012."

First of all, I love Dan's column despite his liberalism. Hey, he's a gay man who lives in Seattle, what do you want. I'm not a social conservative (except maybe when it comes to abortion) so I'm cool with the column generally. That being said, Dan has now officially given me justification in cheating. Woo hoo. On that front, I've fooled around with the same person under more unintentional drunken circumstances. But we didn't have sex because his conscience gets in the way. I don't blame him, but he doesn't know all the facts. For a minute there my brain was starting to trick me into thinking I really like him. I don't, though. He's a really good friend, and too good of a human being for me to cheat with. As I told him, I can keep secrets and put stuff behind me. Better than anyone in the world knows.