Thursday, October 23, 2008

My Future Husband...

Hee hee, not really. He's married, well over a foot taller than me, and generally out of my league. Then again, a friend of mine slept with a Brewer (former Brewer? current minor league Brewer? Not sure). Ever since then, the Brewer has been known to my boyfriend and me as "If I played for the Brewers, I'd bang hotter chicks!" So you never know. This is Ryan Madson, set-up man for the Philadelphia Phillies, and he's frickin' hot. Much hotter than my friend's conquest. Dude's been married since 2002, when he was 21. I really don't get why these professional athletes get married at such young ages. I guess I understand the reasoning that they don't want to end up with someone who is just interested in their money, so they marry someone they were with before they actually had any money. It worked for Brett Favre (as far as we know, so far) and did not work out for Michael Jordan. Or Dwyane Wade. Or Chipper Jones, in spectacular fashion. It takes a special breed to be married to a pro athlete. They travel for most of the year, and tons of women throw themselves at them. Mix in money and partying and the pro athlete woman-using culture (read Ball Four). My general theory on the retiring and un-retiring of many athletes is that they want to spend more time with their family. They do so, and then realize that hey, we don't really get along all that well. I want to go back to (insert sport here). I figure most sports wives know they get cheated on and don't care. He comes home to them, and they get to spend that money. And cheat, too, if that's what they're into. After all, he's gone all the time. And when he's at home, they probably have fantastic sex and get along great, since absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's basically what it comes down to. Speaking of the fantastic sex part, these guys are usually bigger than the average man (Ryan here is 6'6") and have more physical endurance. In general, body parts are proportional, if you know what I mean. So, to conclude this rant, perhaps I have a chance(???). Unfortunately, my self-respect gets in the way of figuring out how to snag a one-nighter with a baseball player (who probably bangs hotter chicks). Dang. Madson is super-hot though. The Brewers should trade for him. They could definitely use another arm in the bullpen. Doug Melvin, are you listening?