Thursday, August 07, 2008

A strong unpleasant feeling...

Ugh. I don't consider myself a jealous person, and I honestly can only think of one other situation in my life where I've felt jealous in regard to my relationship with a man. Via some internet stalking, I was able to find out a little insider information about someone I was involved with but haven't spoken to for a significant period of time. Hey, it's public record. I feel if it's on the internet, feel free to look. Driving past someone's house, different story. Anyhoo, without going into specifics, this information immediately caused a strong, unpleasant, unfamiliar feeling. I thought about it for about half a second and then I realized...I'm jealous. And here I thought I was pretty much over it. This sucks. There was no closure and I get that the feeling is partially caused by that. I am also sad about losing the friendship. But seriously, I feel jealous. Then, I feel ashamed for feeling jealous. I just have to get this out of my mind and move on. As I said to my boyfriend, he's an adult and can make his own decisions. I truly believe that in my heart. And I was a bitch to him. I'm free to disagree with his decision but clearly my opinion doesn't make any kind of difference whatsoever so why even bother thinking about it (or blogging about it, jeez). Well, this is actually alleviating the jealousy somewhat. I also don't need to tear someone else down to make myself feel better, so I'm not going to sit here and just rip on the other people involved. All I know is I have a lot of positive stuff going for me and the future can only get better. I just have to work hard and do my thing. Everything else is up to God or fate or luck or random coincidence or whatever you want to call it.

From "The Simpsons"...

Bart: Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I've never had before.
Lisa Simpson: It's called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepressible youth. ...

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