Thursday, August 28, 2008


I took a look at the Craigslist personals today. I'm bored. I have issues.

Issues include:

I'm in a relationship. Seriously, I love the guy very much and I know he loves me. A few months ago some issues in our relationship bubbled to the surface after existing for a while but being undiscussed:

1. He had no job for over a year-plus. No money. No contribution to the household or even his own needs.
2. He had no plans for his future.
3. He had (has?) a drug problem.
4. We haven't had sex in over two years.

So a male friend pointed this out to me (except for number 4, which he wasn't aware of), and whatever, I end up sleeping with the dude. It was kewl for a while, like we were dating. I really liked the other guy a lot and could see a future with him, but clearly he didn't feel the same way. We got into a fight and haven't spoken since. A week after that, my boyfriend and I get into a fight where I discuss the four issues above, and sub-issues, and he pretty much sits there and listens. The only explanation he has for the sex thing is something about self-esteem, I don't know, I was too angry to really listen at that point. OK. So in the past three months since the argument, he has taken definite positive steps in the direction of issues 1-3. Job, plans for an apprenticeship, drastically reduced drug use. Still no sex.

So I think I'm going to cheat on him again. Which is really, really messed up. At one point I compared this whole thing to not wanting to quit one job before I had another one. My mother confronted me with "Don't waste your life with someone you don't really love," but I'm not. If I didn't love him I'd break up with him regardless of any fear of being alone (which is definitely a factor, trust me). So if I got another "job," like I thought I might possibly have with the other guy, I might leave him. I'm definitely not seeing anyone else currently, and in my heart I don't want to break up with him because I love him. At this point, I would like to have some casual sex with someone outside my social circle, since I'm not getting it at home and I really can't think of how to rectify that situation.

A note: I am not fat. I actually have a cute body. I'm above-average looking I think. No major acne or teeth problems.

I don't have any close female friends that I could just go out with "the girls" to meet some guys out somewhere. If I did, I'm sure I could meet someone decent-looking, not too gross, into the casual sex thing.

So today I checked out the Craigslist. And...yuck. Exactly what you think people looking for casual sex on the internets would be. 45 seeking half my age. Penis pictures quite possibly stolen from porno sites. "I'm a little heavy but I carry it well." Seriously, I didn't think I'd actually find anything interesting there, but definitely worse than I imagined.

Do I feel bad for seeking to cheat on my boyfriend? Definitely. I don't want to hurt him, and it causes me cognitive dissonance because I consider myself an honest and ethical person. But I also don't think I should be celibate the rest of my life because he has weird sex issues that he is not willing to explain. Or failing that, just no interest in sex, which is a weird sex problem for a man in his 20s.

As for the other guy, I'm happy what happened happened, because I don't know if the issues would have ever been discussed without his intervention. It sucks because we can't be friends anymore. I miss him as a friend very much, but I don't think a relationship between us would have really worked out. I think he wants/needs someone more passive than me. He's one of those men who likes to be the smarter one and in charge all the time. Pretty sure he hooked back up with his ex-wife. I hope his life is going well and he's happy.

The moral of the story--normal people, please don't look for sex on Craigslist.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Joo answers questions posed to advice columnists!

This one is more like commentary on the letter, but whatev...

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend of 40 years, "Nick," started dating a woman about a month ago. Nick has been down on his luck personally and financially for several years. He called and asked if he could bring "Hattie" to our home for dinner. We agreed, hoping it would be a good relationship for him.
Within 15 minutes of meeting her, Hattie told me she was bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two small children, but when I asked where they were, she changed the subject. Nick doesn't have kids, and he's nearly 50.
When Hattie asked me for something to drink, I offered her tea or soda. She took the soda, then said she preferred beer and wine, and did I have any. I poured her a glass, then she asked for a second and proceeded to drink 2 1/2 bottles of wine. Later, she told me she had a "headache" and asked if I had anything for pain. I offered Tylenol. No, she wanted something with a "kick." Needless to say, they didn't stay long after that because she was looking for prescription medication, and we had none.
My husband told Nick that Hattie was not the type of woman he needed. Nick shrugged off my husband's advice of not seeing her anymore. Personally, I don't want that woman at my house again. If Nick calls and wants to bring Hattie around again, how should we say no? -- BEST FRIEND'S WIFE

First of all, why weren't you serving any alcoholic beverages with dinner? Clearly you don't live in Wisconsin. But for "Hattie's" benefit, here are the obvious rules for social drinking:

Other people are getting drunk, you may proceed to get drunk.
Other people are having a couple, you may get drunk, but it's tacky to do so.
Other people are not drinking at all, you may have a couple, but not get drunk.

That being said, Best Friend and his wife had at least three bottles of wine in their house and they weren't planning on having any at all? Saving it for themselves? Do you have a wine cellar?

Secondly, why did you ask where her children were? Hattie says, "I have two small children," and you reply "Where are they?" As in, "Where are they right now?" Obviously, if you're going to a friend's for dinner, chances are you're not going to drag the small children around. Since she didn't want to discuss "where" they are (as in they don't live with her), maybe she just feels it's none of your business.

Please don't think I'm standing up for Hattie here. She is clearly a nutjob. When she mentioned her headache, did she expect Best Friend's Wife to bust out, "We have Tylenol or would you like a Percocet?" Really, maybe that happens in some social circles, but BF and BFW don't even like to share their wine!

Finally, Best Friend tells Nick, who he's known for 40 years, "I don't think this is the type of woman you need to be seeing." Like Nick's his child or something. Perhaps that's not particularly surprising, since his wife drops the value judgement "he's been struggling personally and financially for several years." And you haven't, because you're perfect, right?

Bottom line. Yes, Hattie seems nuts. But so does Best Friend's Wife, and quite possibly, Best Friend. Nick is apparently one of those people who are weak-minded and find themselves surrounded by psychos. Poor guy.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Joo Answers Questions Posed to Advice Columnists

Ooooh, another new feature! It's time for Joo Answers Questions Posed to Advice Columnists. Today's entry comes from Dear Abby.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child and selected names some time ago. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ethan; if it's a girl, we'll call her Ardith.
My father sent us a nasty e-mail telling us he's praying we have a boy because he couldn't imagine "saddling a child with a name like Ardith." This from a man who named his son "Seymour Herbert" and stuck with a last name that is an insult in two languages. (My brother and I grew so sick of being reminded of it that we changed our last name.) It wasn't even our original family name, but a badly Americanized name-gone-wrong that was laid on our grandfather when he came to this country.
My husband and I found my father's remarks extremely hurtful and wrote him to explain why we chose the name Ardith, but Dad persists in saying how much he hates our choice.
We know the name is old-fashioned and unusual. But considering what some celebrities name their children these days, Ardith doesn't seem weird to us. If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen. Meanwhile, how do we deal with my father when he keeps bugging us? -- EXPECTING ANY DAY NOW IN CALIFORNIA

Lady, sometimes your parents are right. Ardith sounds like you're saying "artist" with a lisp. These are the names you've picked: Ethan (third-most popular boy's name in 2007) and Ardith (857th most popular girl's name in 1914). Hmm. Comparing your choice to what celebrities name their children is ridiculous. Celebrity children go to private schools for extremely rich kids, so Moxie Crimefighter can commiserate with Audioscience and Pilot Inspektor. News flash, your kid will go to school with Emily, Jacob and Hannah. Also, your self-confidence is fantastic. "If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen." Don't be so sure. After all, you changed your last name that is your father's legacy that he passed down to you. Couldn't even wait until you got married, huh? No wonder he's sending you nasty e-mails.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Where is Caylee Marie Anthony?

If you haven't heard about this:

I am completely obsessed with this case. Nothing has touched me like this since Amanda Reagan Smith/Devon Epps, and before that Melinda/Trenton Duckett, which got me reading true crime websites in the first place. The internet true crime community is just as obsessed as I am, and people are tearing the web apart looking for every possible connection to figure out what happened to this beautiful little girl. My theory is based on the principle that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I also have some sub-theories. So let's do this thing...

Casey Anthony is a 22-year-old who lives with her parents (George and Cindy) along with her brother, Lee, and her two-year-old daughter, Caylee. In early June, Casey and her mother had some sort of falling out that led to Casey taking Caylee and moving out to stay with friends. Perhaps Cindy refused to baby sit while Casey goes out for the 10 millionth time. So Casey leaves, but still maintains contact with her parents, since most of her stuff is still at their house, she needs money, food, toothpaste, TP, etc. Cindy takes Caylee to visit her father (Caylee's great-grandfather) at the nursing home on Father's Day. The next day, George says good-bye to Casey while she's "leaving for work" from their house in the morning, accompanied by Caylee, who's going to the "babysitter." That is the last time that anyone has seen Caylee. In the ensuing weeks, when anyone asks about Caylee, Casey has some kind of BS explanation. Around July 15, Cindy receives an impound notice for Casey's car (it's registered to Cindy). Cindy confronts Casey and threatens to have her arrested and get custody of Caylee. Cindy calls the police and Casey finally admits that Caylee is missing (for 31 days).

In interviews with the police, Casey lies about every possible aspect of the case. She claims to have left Caylee with the babysitter, Zenaida Fernandez-Gonzalez, at Zenaida's apartment. The apartment she claims is Zenaida's has been vacant since February. She claims to work at Universal Studios, and even leads the police to her "office." But she doesn't have an office, since she was fired in 2006. There are more lies, but jeez, I don't think Blogger has enough memory for me to list them all here. Point is, Casey has been of absolutely no help whatsoever in trying to locate her daughter, and is clearly covering up what really happened. Her immediate family has been supportive in the media, but no extended family or friends have come forward to support her. In fact, several of her friends voluntarily went to the police and called her out as a liar and thief. Cadaver sniffing dogs have smelled cadaver in both the trunk of the impounded car and the Anthony's backyard. So here is my theory of the case and attempt to answer some of the MANY unanswered questions.


When Casey was staying with her parents she had a 24/7 free babysitter and came and went as she pleased. After the fight, she couldn't just leave her kid with her mom, and since her "hot party girl" image is such a huge part of her identity, she had to find alternative child care methods. She chose drugging Caylee into sleep and leaving her in the car. What substance did she use? Meh, don't know, Nyquil, alcohol, Benadryl... One day she gave her too much and Caylee stops breathing. Casey panics (well, after all, she murdered her child) and attempts to bury her in the yard. She thinks better of this, since her parents are having concrete pavers put in the yard in a couple of weeks (proven). So she puts Caylee in the trunk of her car. Once the smell becomes unbearable in the car she throws Caylee into one of the many lakes apparently located around Orlando. She then abandons the car and leaves her purse on the front seat, figuring someone would steal it. No one does, and here we are.

Casey pretending to go to work every morning for two years: She would just leave the house and hang out with equally loser friends all day and drag Caylee along.

How did she have money, other than what her parents provided? You would be surprised at how crackheads manage to come across money. Steal from K-Mart and return items to a different K-Mart. Take fly-by-night telemarketing jobs. Prostitute. Not "Hookers at the Point" prostitutes, or "Cathouse" prostitutes. Just regular, friends with benefits type hook-ups, but they also give you money "to buy yourself something nice" or whatever. If you know the guy who can get drugs, but a friend does not, you go along with them to buy and get some money or drugs for yourself on the side. Perhaps the name Zenaida Fernandez-Gonzalez was her alias for some of these type of scams. Whatev.

Why did all her friends turn on her? Because crackhead friends are not really your friends. As long as you're partying together, it's kewl. If you're forced to look at the people sober, you find you have nothing in common, can't relate, and probably don't even like each other.

**I wrote this on August 10, and since then the Orange County Sheriff's Department has released 400 pages of documents related to the case, and DNA results have come back that all but prove that Caylee's body was in the trunk of that car. Upon reading the documents, I take back my theory that Casey's "friends" were a bunch of crackheads. They actually seem like normal young people who party here and there, but aren't junkies by any means. It seems that Casey was deceiving them about her job and financial situation as much as she was deceiving her parents. Her main source of income seems to be stealing from her parents and grandparents, possibly supplemented by some drug or prostitute thing, but maybe not. I still stand by the rest of the theory, however.**

Rest in Peace, Caylee. <3

Annotated Ms. Article

Ooooh, a new feature. It's time for Annotated Magazine Articles with Joo, a Cuntservative. Today's entry comes from the summer 2008 edition of Ms.

What's on Your Ballot? Upcoming state initiatives may take away your rights—or give you new ones

By Kristina Wilfore

If a “definition of personhood” initiative gets passed in Colorado this November, you might be investigated if you experience a miscarriage. Really?

If an initiative to end affirmative action is passed in Arizona this fall, you may lose business if you’re a woman who receives government contracts. I'm sure the government will honor existing contracts. When they expire, the women will have to go through the same bidding process as everyone else.

If a marriage-discrimination initiative passes in California and you’re a lesbian newlywed, you’ll have to cut short the honeymoon. Duh.

In the November election, voters will be deciding whether to roll back equal-opportunity programs for women and people of color, discriminate against gays and lesbians in marriage and adoption, cut public education and threaten women’s health care. The big question is whether voters will buy what these ballot initiatives are selling.

According to public opinion research conducted for the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center this year, voters are heading into the election season with serious concerns about the country and a strong feeling that it is a rudderless boat. Perhaps most disconcerting, voters feel America is falling behind, and that the next generation is unlikely to have it better than this generation does. The research also shows that voters want to address the big problems the country faces.

Unfortunately, many right-wing-backed ballot initiatives don’t give voters the solutions they’re looking for. Instead, conservatives are using these initiatives as divisive tactics to try to distract voters. Of course! No one actually cares about murdering children, judging people on their merits rather than their membership in a "protected" group, or establishing a reasonable definition of what constitutes a marriage. They're being tricked by those devious Republicans! OMG!

A good example is California businessman Ward Connerly’s efforts to roll back equal opportunity in Arizona, Colorado, Missouri, Nebraska and Oklahoma (see Ms., Winter 2008). Connerly’s initiatives would rewrite state constitutions to ban affirmative-action programs for women and people of color. But the drive for these ballot measures does not necessarily come from within these states: Connerly has been using mercenary signature-gatherers and funds collected by his California organization from undisclosed donors. To date, he’s failed to gain enough support in Missouri to qualify for the ballot, had to withdraw his petitions in Oklahoma because of signature fraud and faces a lawsuit over 69,000 potentially fraudulent signatures collected in Colorado. In Arizona and Nebraska, Connerly has submitted his petitions and is awaiting approval to place the initiative on the ballot.

In the arena of women’s reproductive rights, the right wing is continuing its assault this year with anti-choice ballot initiatives in four states: California, Colorado, Montana and South Dakota. Californians are being asked to pass a parental notification measure that has already failed twice; South Dakotans will be asked to approve an only slightly less draconian version of an abortion ban that failed in 2006. The “definition of personhood” initiative in Colorado—which seeks to overturn Roe v. Wade by redefining personhood as the moment of fertilization—could outlaw certain forms of birth control and ban or restrict common fertility treatments in which multiple eggs are fertilized but only some are introduced into the mother’s womb. A supporter (who?) of a similar, failed Montana initiative suggested that women could even be investigated to see what they might have done to cause their miscarriages.

Finally, in California, an initiative has qualified for the ballot that would rewrite the constitution and overturn the recent court decision that ruled gay marriage was constitutional. If passed, only marriage between a man and a woman would be valid or recognized in California. Some believe that this issue will put California into play for John McCain in November by turning out conservative votes, but progressives are energized to protect the court’s decision, and public opinion continues to move against barring marriage for gay and lesbian couples.
Arizonans, too, will vote this fall on a constitutional gay-marriage ban, and Floridians face a measure that would outlaw recognition of all same-sex partnerships. Still in the signature-collection process is an Arkansas initiative to take away adoption rights from "all unmarried couples" (i.e., gay couples). And...that will be up to the voters to decide.

Progressive women can feel hopeful about a number of other “kitchen table” initiatives on the ballot this fall designed to help families weather the economic recession. In Missouri, for example, signatures have already been submitted for an initiative requiring the state to produce 15 percent of its electricity from renewable energy by 2021. Research by the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center shows that voters believe this is both achievable and necessary to free Americans from dependence on foreign oil and reduce global warming.

Several health initiatives are also either gathering signatures or have qualified for the November ballot, responding to the anxiety of voters about losing health insurance during these tough economic times. Montana is circulating an initiative that would extend health-care coverage to all of the state’s uninsured children, and in Wisconsin, local health-care-reform referendums are moving forward that would ask the legislature to take action on universal health care.

Additionally, a home-health-care initiative on the ballot in Missouri would help the elderly and disabled to continue living independently by better recruiting, training and stabilizing the state’s home-care workforce. In Ohio, petitions are being circulated for a Healthy Families initiative that would guarantee seven days paid sick leave, and in the city of Milwaukee, a similar measure extending paid sick leave is likely to make the ballot. Michigan activists are stumping for an initiative allowing voters to restore the legality of stem-cell research. Are voters being tricked by Democrats into voting on these "divisive" issues?

While the country engages in a big national election, it’s important to remember that “all politics is (are) local.” Be sure to come prepared with the facts about your local initiatives, so that you know what sort of change you’re voting for.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Milwaukee Barbies

Galleria Barbie:This princess Barbie is only sold in Elm Grove. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Note: Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.

Brookfield Barbie:This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.

Marquette Barbie:This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small untraceable bills, unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

The Oak Creek Barbie:This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included is her own Starbuckscup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

UWM Barbie:Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we mean get an education. Comes with standard issue shorts with “UWM” printed largely on the butt. Also comes wearing latest “themed” sorority party T-shirt, hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest in “knock off” Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic, undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately.

West Allis Barbie:This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

River Hills Barbie:This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on her boat. Percocet prescription available.

South Milwaukee Barbie:This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Cudahy Barbie’s (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

River west Barbie:This slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Brookfield Barbie without a shower. Comes complete with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of PBR. There are accessory packages with various assortments of body piercing and tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately because, like, she doesn’t have a job.

Bay view Barbie:This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, arch less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her”Willow” She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Bay view Barbies, and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

North side Barbie:This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangster Ken and his ‘79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Southside Barbie:This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Southside Barbie or Ken.

East Side Barbie/ Ken:This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts

Consider this in conjunction with the website

A strong unpleasant feeling...

Ugh. I don't consider myself a jealous person, and I honestly can only think of one other situation in my life where I've felt jealous in regard to my relationship with a man. Via some internet stalking, I was able to find out a little insider information about someone I was involved with but haven't spoken to for a significant period of time. Hey, it's public record. I feel if it's on the internet, feel free to look. Driving past someone's house, different story. Anyhoo, without going into specifics, this information immediately caused a strong, unpleasant, unfamiliar feeling. I thought about it for about half a second and then I realized...I'm jealous. And here I thought I was pretty much over it. This sucks. There was no closure and I get that the feeling is partially caused by that. I am also sad about losing the friendship. But seriously, I feel jealous. Then, I feel ashamed for feeling jealous. I just have to get this out of my mind and move on. As I said to my boyfriend, he's an adult and can make his own decisions. I truly believe that in my heart. And I was a bitch to him. I'm free to disagree with his decision but clearly my opinion doesn't make any kind of difference whatsoever so why even bother thinking about it (or blogging about it, jeez). Well, this is actually alleviating the jealousy somewhat. I also don't need to tear someone else down to make myself feel better, so I'm not going to sit here and just rip on the other people involved. All I know is I have a lot of positive stuff going for me and the future can only get better. I just have to work hard and do my thing. Everything else is up to God or fate or luck or random coincidence or whatever you want to call it.

From "The Simpsons"...

Bart: Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I've never had before.
Lisa Simpson: It's called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepressible youth. ...

Can't Believe It...

I got bored with the social experiment after a few days.