Saturday, December 06, 2008

Dear Joo,

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are still at odds over something that happened months ago. He, his best friend and my 13-year-old son, "Mark," went to spring training in Florida. On one of the days, they went to lunch at a restaurant that features scantily clad waitresses. My husband told Mark not to tell me about it and to leave the telling to him.
When they returned home on Sunday after their three-day weekend, Mark let it slip where they had gone for lunch one day. I hit the roof!
Mark is a very young 13. I was furious that my husband took him to a place that Mark described as making him feel "uncomfortable" because of all the skin that was being shown. After I jumped on my husband for doing it, I heard him outside yelling at Mark for telling me before he had a chance to.
I'm being accused of overreacting, Abby. Am I? -- PROTECTIVE LIONESS IN ATLANTA

DEAR LIONESS: I don't think so. If your husband had been proud of what he had done, he wouldn't have asked Mark to keep it a secret. His request was both dishonest and sexist. It was an invitation to your son to join the "boy's club" and exclude you, and it makes me wonder what the next indiscretion your son would have been asked to cover up would have involved.

Joo says: Where did they go, Hooters? The waitresses at Hooters wear tank tops and shorts. Pretty sure their uniforms are no skimpier than what most women wear in Atlanta in the summer. It's hot there. It's not like they took him to a strip club, which I could see making a 13-year-old uncomfortable.

That being said...

Sorry to break it to you lady. Your son is gay.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The only good thing about Florida is...

Housing bubble?
Old people?
Florida/Florida State/University of Miami?
Tony Montana?
Trailer parks?
Casey Anthony?
2000 election (OMG, I don't know who I voted for because I'm too stupid to read the ballots!)

Hmm, I'll get back to you when I think of something. Asshole.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Work Complaint

I work in a call center that's divided into 8 teams (press one for this, two for that, etc). One of the people from a different team called our line today with a question from a caller. I answered the question. She replied that the caller had already spoken with the person I recommended could solve the problem at hand, and that person suggested to call us. I reiterated that the person I recommended that the caller speak to is the correct person to handle that issue. The co-worker asked if I would ask one of our supervisors who the correct person to help this caller would be. I couldn't, since they were both out of the office for the evening.

Bitch, own your call and do your own research. How about you call one of the supervisors personally if you don't like my (correct) answer?

Anyway, I told her to offer to call the person back and ask her manager about the problem tomorrow morning. Pretty sure I don't get paid to train people on how to be effective phone reps in happenstance phone calls, but hey, this is yet another reason why I WILL GET PROMOTED BEFORE YOU!


Thinking of killing yourself? Some would tell you to seek counseling or call a suicide hotline. Not your friend JOO however. You should visit the Google group alt.suicide.methods. You will be feeling better about your life in no time, because at least you're not one of those losers. The following are some insights I've gained from browsing that bulletin board:

  • The only 100% effective suicide method is shooting yourself in the face with a shotgun. You could miss with any other kind of gun and leave yourself a vegetable. Then your life would really be a failure. Similar failures could occur with drug overdoses, car accidents, hanging...
  • It's important to consider who will find your body. I personally wouldn't want my mom discovering my corpse with my brain sprayed all over my apartment. If the thought of a loved one needing to identify your nearly decapitated body bothers you, perhaps you're not really ready to die.
  • Bullets are often found in the wall behind a person who commits suicide via gunshot. This is because they have buyer's remorse. So if you want to murder someone and make it look like a suicide, shoot the wall behind them a couple times.
  • Depression is a bitch and nothing to be taken lightly. The only way to fight it is to get out there and live your life. Yes, therapy and medication help people, but sitting in your house dwelling on how much you hate life doesn't help anything. The meaning of life is found in work, learning, developing your skills and personality, enjoying music, art, sports, cars, whatever, and LIVING. Not sitting on the computer contemplating dying.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

So you got a comment. La dee freakin' da.

At work, I have been given the opportunity to move to a different team within our department. Basically, we have a hiring freeze, so they're re-allocating resources. Our manager announced the move on Friday. Apparently since then, people have been talking about it. It's caused a buzz. Why does she get this opportunity? Who were the other candidates? You know, if another team needs someone, please consider me. It blows my mind that people talk about me.

1. I got this opportunity because I do a better job than you and I deserve a promotion, but they are scared to promote me because it would piss off people like you. So they're moving me to a team where promoting me would piss off fewer people.

2. There weren't other candidates. They wanted me, period. If I said no, they'd then figure out another candidate.

3. And now that you've expressed interest in more challenging work, like I did, long ago, perhaps you will be considered for the next opening.

But again, that's why I was so amazed that I got a comment. It freaks me out that people talk about me at all.

P.S. One of the many reasons I'm happy to be moving to the other team is...there's cute guys over there. As opposed to no guys over here. I'm going to bang the shit out of one dude. Heh. Anyhoo, if I do, you'll read about it here...

OMG! I have a comment!

It was from May of 2007, and I didn't even know. From a pretty well-known blogger in Milwaukee, too. Huh. Weird, it's like he searched for the topic, found it on my blog of all places, and commented. On a mistake I made, which is fine. I guess I'm in total shock that someone left me a comment. Wow.

Keep Internet Stuff on the Internet

Here I am addressing the issue of blog cliques. Again...

Over at Dreamin' Demon, there was a group of regulars. Then the Caylee Anthony case brought a whole bunch of new readers. So many that they had to upgrade their server. Some of them became regulars as well. Now it's new vs. old regulars in a debate over the "spirit" of the site. Pre-Caylee, the feeling there was very atheist, anti-religion, adults only, expressing the outrage over the cases discussed but definitely not from a faith-based perspective. It was the type of place where people would not be offended by my avatar! Caylee has attracted more people who openly express their faith, "I'm praying for you" type messages, etc. People who would be offended by my avatar. The people who actually run the joint have done a great job of allowing both of the groups to co-exist. All I do is go, make my little comments, post my bewbs, and leave. I did change my avatar for them because I don't want anyone to be so distracted by my avatar that they don't understand my message.

Point is, a website is its owner's to run as that owner chooses. The people who visit really have no say in it, and can find a different way to spend their time if it really is a problem for them.

Another random thought: the more readers a blog has, the dumber the comments are. Dlisted was not very popular during their blog fight, but the comments were always super-entertaining. Now that it's popular, I don't go near the comments. Even on blind items. Many of the posters who caused the fight have migrated to Crazy Days and Nights. Less popular, better comments. I don't know, just an observation. This is in no way a criticism of the actual content of the blogs. If they're linked here, they're good. It's the comments.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Best America's Next Top Model Quotes Ever...

Some of these may be more like paraphrases, but...

Mr. Jay to Brittany (c4): This is the first shot. In the second shot, your top is off. In the third shot, you're on your knees.

Coryn to Lisa: And what are you doing, alcoholic bitch?

Tyra to Joanie: Janice would never tell you to do that. Janice is a really good model.

Janice to Gina: Zip it, bitch. You're dead in my book.

Elyse to confessional: All of your parents must be ashamed of you.

Jael to 50 Cent: I'm half-black and half-Jewish. I'm blewish. You can't hang with that.

Fatima to random girl who didn't make the show (maybe Shalynda?): Can I call you bitch?

Samantha in interview: They're having their lesbian bath moment...

Jade to ?: This is not America's Next Top Best Friend!

Eva to Ann? Amanda? Confessional?: I'm a black woman from LA. What do I want with some crystals?

Nnenna to Gina: What's Jade going to do? Spank you?

Guaranteed I will think of more. What's up with MTV and VH1 not having non-stop America's Next Top Model marathons anymore? I'll take that over Real Chance of Love anytime!

More from the advice columnists...

Best advice columnist ever--Dan Savage of Savage Love. The only reason to read the insanely overrated Onion. Well, I guess their movie and music reviews are pretty good too. But I digress...

I love my husband. But he won't eat it. Absolutely won't lick me down there. I do everything for him! We've even started ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass while I blow him. I've explained to him that I can't come—not hard!—without it. He insists that he never will go there, and he has accused me of trying to make him do something totally against his moral code. I'm distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him! What do I do?

Unlicky In Love

Cheat on him already, UIL.

And while you're online searching for a man who'll go down on you, UIL, I'm going to go online and Google "moral codes." I'm curious about this mysterious moral code your husband cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but forbids cunnilingus entirely. I know it's not a Catholic thing—I was an altar boy—but maybe it's a Mormon delusion, like magic underpants and coffeephobia and "Mitt Romney 2012."

First of all, I love Dan's column despite his liberalism. Hey, he's a gay man who lives in Seattle, what do you want. I'm not a social conservative (except maybe when it comes to abortion) so I'm cool with the column generally. That being said, Dan has now officially given me justification in cheating. Woo hoo. On that front, I've fooled around with the same person under more unintentional drunken circumstances. But we didn't have sex because his conscience gets in the way. I don't blame him, but he doesn't know all the facts. For a minute there my brain was starting to trick me into thinking I really like him. I don't, though. He's a really good friend, and too good of a human being for me to cheat with. As I told him, I can keep secrets and put stuff behind me. Better than anyone in the world knows.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

My Future Husband...

Hee hee, not really. He's married, well over a foot taller than me, and generally out of my league. Then again, a friend of mine slept with a Brewer (former Brewer? current minor league Brewer? Not sure). Ever since then, the Brewer has been known to my boyfriend and me as "If I played for the Brewers, I'd bang hotter chicks!" So you never know. This is Ryan Madson, set-up man for the Philadelphia Phillies, and he's frickin' hot. Much hotter than my friend's conquest. Dude's been married since 2002, when he was 21. I really don't get why these professional athletes get married at such young ages. I guess I understand the reasoning that they don't want to end up with someone who is just interested in their money, so they marry someone they were with before they actually had any money. It worked for Brett Favre (as far as we know, so far) and did not work out for Michael Jordan. Or Dwyane Wade. Or Chipper Jones, in spectacular fashion. It takes a special breed to be married to a pro athlete. They travel for most of the year, and tons of women throw themselves at them. Mix in money and partying and the pro athlete woman-using culture (read Ball Four). My general theory on the retiring and un-retiring of many athletes is that they want to spend more time with their family. They do so, and then realize that hey, we don't really get along all that well. I want to go back to (insert sport here). I figure most sports wives know they get cheated on and don't care. He comes home to them, and they get to spend that money. And cheat, too, if that's what they're into. After all, he's gone all the time. And when he's at home, they probably have fantastic sex and get along great, since absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's basically what it comes down to. Speaking of the fantastic sex part, these guys are usually bigger than the average man (Ryan here is 6'6") and have more physical endurance. In general, body parts are proportional, if you know what I mean. So, to conclude this rant, perhaps I have a chance(???). Unfortunately, my self-respect gets in the way of figuring out how to snag a one-nighter with a baseball player (who probably bangs hotter chicks). Dang. Madson is super-hot though. The Brewers should trade for him. They could definitely use another arm in the bullpen. Doug Melvin, are you listening?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

A Follow-Up...


  • smarter
  • better looking
  • better personality
  • better job
  • better body
  • better career/future
  • more fun to hang out with

And I've learned from my experience. At least to not let sex get so mixed up with my emotions. On that front, I've fooled around with someone under completely unintentional drunken circumstances, and I kinda got shot down by someone else. It was quite surprising.

OMG, I have an internet hater!

BSep 17, 2008 at 8:54 pm -
JOO, your icon repulses me and now I cannot have this page open while my kids are around.
Be back late tonight when they are asleep, have some stuff for you guys but cannot post it while that icon is blaring at us. *shudders*

This is from the Dreamin' Demon.

To B:

First of all, how old are your children? Can they read? If so, this is clearly not an appropriate website for children. If they are too young to read, they should be in bed before 8:54 PM. Granted, I don't know where this bitch lives. Giving her full benefit of the doubt, say she lives on the west coast and it's 5:54 PM. If your children are too young to read, they are also too young to be traumatized by some half-exposed boobs in a tiny avatar. So in any event, you're more pissed off about consenting adult boobs than stories about people raping and murdering children. Fantastic.

Here's a suggestion: SCROLL DOWN, YOU STUPID CUNT!

<3, JOO

Thursday, August 28, 2008


I took a look at the Craigslist personals today. I'm bored. I have issues.

Issues include:

I'm in a relationship. Seriously, I love the guy very much and I know he loves me. A few months ago some issues in our relationship bubbled to the surface after existing for a while but being undiscussed:

1. He had no job for over a year-plus. No money. No contribution to the household or even his own needs.
2. He had no plans for his future.
3. He had (has?) a drug problem.
4. We haven't had sex in over two years.

So a male friend pointed this out to me (except for number 4, which he wasn't aware of), and whatever, I end up sleeping with the dude. It was kewl for a while, like we were dating. I really liked the other guy a lot and could see a future with him, but clearly he didn't feel the same way. We got into a fight and haven't spoken since. A week after that, my boyfriend and I get into a fight where I discuss the four issues above, and sub-issues, and he pretty much sits there and listens. The only explanation he has for the sex thing is something about self-esteem, I don't know, I was too angry to really listen at that point. OK. So in the past three months since the argument, he has taken definite positive steps in the direction of issues 1-3. Job, plans for an apprenticeship, drastically reduced drug use. Still no sex.

So I think I'm going to cheat on him again. Which is really, really messed up. At one point I compared this whole thing to not wanting to quit one job before I had another one. My mother confronted me with "Don't waste your life with someone you don't really love," but I'm not. If I didn't love him I'd break up with him regardless of any fear of being alone (which is definitely a factor, trust me). So if I got another "job," like I thought I might possibly have with the other guy, I might leave him. I'm definitely not seeing anyone else currently, and in my heart I don't want to break up with him because I love him. At this point, I would like to have some casual sex with someone outside my social circle, since I'm not getting it at home and I really can't think of how to rectify that situation.

A note: I am not fat. I actually have a cute body. I'm above-average looking I think. No major acne or teeth problems.

I don't have any close female friends that I could just go out with "the girls" to meet some guys out somewhere. If I did, I'm sure I could meet someone decent-looking, not too gross, into the casual sex thing.

So today I checked out the Craigslist. And...yuck. Exactly what you think people looking for casual sex on the internets would be. 45 seeking half my age. Penis pictures quite possibly stolen from porno sites. "I'm a little heavy but I carry it well." Seriously, I didn't think I'd actually find anything interesting there, but definitely worse than I imagined.

Do I feel bad for seeking to cheat on my boyfriend? Definitely. I don't want to hurt him, and it causes me cognitive dissonance because I consider myself an honest and ethical person. But I also don't think I should be celibate the rest of my life because he has weird sex issues that he is not willing to explain. Or failing that, just no interest in sex, which is a weird sex problem for a man in his 20s.

As for the other guy, I'm happy what happened happened, because I don't know if the issues would have ever been discussed without his intervention. It sucks because we can't be friends anymore. I miss him as a friend very much, but I don't think a relationship between us would have really worked out. I think he wants/needs someone more passive than me. He's one of those men who likes to be the smarter one and in charge all the time. Pretty sure he hooked back up with his ex-wife. I hope his life is going well and he's happy.

The moral of the story--normal people, please don't look for sex on Craigslist.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Joo answers questions posed to advice columnists!

This one is more like commentary on the letter, but whatev...

DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend of 40 years, "Nick," started dating a woman about a month ago. Nick has been down on his luck personally and financially for several years. He called and asked if he could bring "Hattie" to our home for dinner. We agreed, hoping it would be a good relationship for him.
Within 15 minutes of meeting her, Hattie told me she was bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two small children, but when I asked where they were, she changed the subject. Nick doesn't have kids, and he's nearly 50.
When Hattie asked me for something to drink, I offered her tea or soda. She took the soda, then said she preferred beer and wine, and did I have any. I poured her a glass, then she asked for a second and proceeded to drink 2 1/2 bottles of wine. Later, she told me she had a "headache" and asked if I had anything for pain. I offered Tylenol. No, she wanted something with a "kick." Needless to say, they didn't stay long after that because she was looking for prescription medication, and we had none.
My husband told Nick that Hattie was not the type of woman he needed. Nick shrugged off my husband's advice of not seeing her anymore. Personally, I don't want that woman at my house again. If Nick calls and wants to bring Hattie around again, how should we say no? -- BEST FRIEND'S WIFE

First of all, why weren't you serving any alcoholic beverages with dinner? Clearly you don't live in Wisconsin. But for "Hattie's" benefit, here are the obvious rules for social drinking:

Other people are getting drunk, you may proceed to get drunk.
Other people are having a couple, you may get drunk, but it's tacky to do so.
Other people are not drinking at all, you may have a couple, but not get drunk.

That being said, Best Friend and his wife had at least three bottles of wine in their house and they weren't planning on having any at all? Saving it for themselves? Do you have a wine cellar?

Secondly, why did you ask where her children were? Hattie says, "I have two small children," and you reply "Where are they?" As in, "Where are they right now?" Obviously, if you're going to a friend's for dinner, chances are you're not going to drag the small children around. Since she didn't want to discuss "where" they are (as in they don't live with her), maybe she just feels it's none of your business.

Please don't think I'm standing up for Hattie here. She is clearly a nutjob. When she mentioned her headache, did she expect Best Friend's Wife to bust out, "We have Tylenol or would you like a Percocet?" Really, maybe that happens in some social circles, but BF and BFW don't even like to share their wine!

Finally, Best Friend tells Nick, who he's known for 40 years, "I don't think this is the type of woman you need to be seeing." Like Nick's his child or something. Perhaps that's not particularly surprising, since his wife drops the value judgement "he's been struggling personally and financially for several years." And you haven't, because you're perfect, right?

Bottom line. Yes, Hattie seems nuts. But so does Best Friend's Wife, and quite possibly, Best Friend. Nick is apparently one of those people who are weak-minded and find themselves surrounded by psychos. Poor guy.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Joo Answers Questions Posed to Advice Columnists

Ooooh, another new feature! It's time for Joo Answers Questions Posed to Advice Columnists. Today's entry comes from Dear Abby.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child and selected names some time ago. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ethan; if it's a girl, we'll call her Ardith.
My father sent us a nasty e-mail telling us he's praying we have a boy because he couldn't imagine "saddling a child with a name like Ardith." This from a man who named his son "Seymour Herbert" and stuck with a last name that is an insult in two languages. (My brother and I grew so sick of being reminded of it that we changed our last name.) It wasn't even our original family name, but a badly Americanized name-gone-wrong that was laid on our grandfather when he came to this country.
My husband and I found my father's remarks extremely hurtful and wrote him to explain why we chose the name Ardith, but Dad persists in saying how much he hates our choice.
We know the name is old-fashioned and unusual. But considering what some celebrities name their children these days, Ardith doesn't seem weird to us. If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen. Meanwhile, how do we deal with my father when he keeps bugging us? -- EXPECTING ANY DAY NOW IN CALIFORNIA

Lady, sometimes your parents are right. Ardith sounds like you're saying "artist" with a lisp. These are the names you've picked: Ethan (third-most popular boy's name in 2007) and Ardith (857th most popular girl's name in 1914). Hmm. Comparing your choice to what celebrities name their children is ridiculous. Celebrity children go to private schools for extremely rich kids, so Moxie Crimefighter can commiserate with Audioscience and Pilot Inspektor. News flash, your kid will go to school with Emily, Jacob and Hannah. Also, your self-confidence is fantastic. "If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen." Don't be so sure. After all, you changed your last name that is your father's legacy that he passed down to you. Couldn't even wait until you got married, huh? No wonder he's sending you nasty e-mails.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Where is Caylee Marie Anthony?

If you haven't heard about this:

I am completely obsessed with this case. Nothing has touched me like this since Amanda Reagan Smith/Devon Epps, and before that Melinda/Trenton Duckett, which got me reading true crime websites in the first place. The internet true crime community is just as obsessed as I am, and people are tearing the web apart looking for every possible connection to figure out what happened to this beautiful little girl. My theory is based on the principle that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. I also have some sub-theories. So let's do this thing...

Casey Anthony is a 22-year-old who lives with her parents (George and Cindy) along with her brother, Lee, and her two-year-old daughter, Caylee. In early June, Casey and her mother had some sort of falling out that led to Casey taking Caylee and moving out to stay with friends. Perhaps Cindy refused to baby sit while Casey goes out for the 10 millionth time. So Casey leaves, but still maintains contact with her parents, since most of her stuff is still at their house, she needs money, food, toothpaste, TP, etc. Cindy takes Caylee to visit her father (Caylee's great-grandfather) at the nursing home on Father's Day. The next day, George says good-bye to Casey while she's "leaving for work" from their house in the morning, accompanied by Caylee, who's going to the "babysitter." That is the last time that anyone has seen Caylee. In the ensuing weeks, when anyone asks about Caylee, Casey has some kind of BS explanation. Around July 15, Cindy receives an impound notice for Casey's car (it's registered to Cindy). Cindy confronts Casey and threatens to have her arrested and get custody of Caylee. Cindy calls the police and Casey finally admits that Caylee is missing (for 31 days).

In interviews with the police, Casey lies about every possible aspect of the case. She claims to have left Caylee with the babysitter, Zenaida Fernandez-Gonzalez, at Zenaida's apartment. The apartment she claims is Zenaida's has been vacant since February. She claims to work at Universal Studios, and even leads the police to her "office." But she doesn't have an office, since she was fired in 2006. There are more lies, but jeez, I don't think Blogger has enough memory for me to list them all here. Point is, Casey has been of absolutely no help whatsoever in trying to locate her daughter, and is clearly covering up what really happened. Her immediate family has been supportive in the media, but no extended family or friends have come forward to support her. In fact, several of her friends voluntarily went to the police and called her out as a liar and thief. Cadaver sniffing dogs have smelled cadaver in both the trunk of the impounded car and the Anthony's backyard. So here is my theory of the case and attempt to answer some of the MANY unanswered questions.


When Casey was staying with her parents she had a 24/7 free babysitter and came and went as she pleased. After the fight, she couldn't just leave her kid with her mom, and since her "hot party girl" image is such a huge part of her identity, she had to find alternative child care methods. She chose drugging Caylee into sleep and leaving her in the car. What substance did she use? Meh, don't know, Nyquil, alcohol, Benadryl... One day she gave her too much and Caylee stops breathing. Casey panics (well, after all, she murdered her child) and attempts to bury her in the yard. She thinks better of this, since her parents are having concrete pavers put in the yard in a couple of weeks (proven). So she puts Caylee in the trunk of her car. Once the smell becomes unbearable in the car she throws Caylee into one of the many lakes apparently located around Orlando. She then abandons the car and leaves her purse on the front seat, figuring someone would steal it. No one does, and here we are.

Casey pretending to go to work every morning for two years: She would just leave the house and hang out with equally loser friends all day and drag Caylee along.

How did she have money, other than what her parents provided? You would be surprised at how crackheads manage to come across money. Steal from K-Mart and return items to a different K-Mart. Take fly-by-night telemarketing jobs. Prostitute. Not "Hookers at the Point" prostitutes, or "Cathouse" prostitutes. Just regular, friends with benefits type hook-ups, but they also give you money "to buy yourself something nice" or whatever. If you know the guy who can get drugs, but a friend does not, you go along with them to buy and get some money or drugs for yourself on the side. Perhaps the name Zenaida Fernandez-Gonzalez was her alias for some of these type of scams. Whatev.

Why did all her friends turn on her? Because crackhead friends are not really your friends. As long as you're partying together, it's kewl. If you're forced to look at the people sober, you find you have nothing in common, can't relate, and probably don't even like each other.

**I wrote this on August 10, and since then the Orange County Sheriff's Department has released 400 pages of documents related to the case, and DNA results have come back that all but prove that Caylee's body was in the trunk of that car. Upon reading the documents, I take back my theory that Casey's "friends" were a bunch of crackheads. They actually seem like normal young people who party here and there, but aren't junkies by any means. It seems that Casey was deceiving them about her job and financial situation as much as she was deceiving her parents. Her main source of income seems to be stealing from her parents and grandparents, possibly supplemented by some drug or prostitute thing, but maybe not. I still stand by the rest of the theory, however.**

Rest in Peace, Caylee. <3

Annotated Ms. Article

Ooooh, a new feature. It's time for Annotated Magazine Articles with Joo, a Cuntservative. Today's entry comes from the summer 2008 edition of Ms.

What's on Your Ballot? Upcoming state initiatives may take away your rights—or give you new ones

By Kristina Wilfore

If a “definition of personhood” initiative gets passed in Colorado this November, you might be investigated if you experience a miscarriage. Really?

If an initiative to end affirmative action is passed in Arizona this fall, you may lose business if you’re a woman who receives government contracts. I'm sure the government will honor existing contracts. When they expire, the women will have to go through the same bidding process as everyone else.

If a marriage-discrimination initiative passes in California and you’re a lesbian newlywed, you’ll have to cut short the honeymoon. Duh.

In the November election, voters will be deciding whether to roll back equal-opportunity programs for women and people of color, discriminate against gays and lesbians in marriage and adoption, cut public education and threaten women’s health care. The big question is whether voters will buy what these ballot initiatives are selling.

According to public opinion research conducted for the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center this year, voters are heading into the election season with serious concerns about the country and a strong feeling that it is a rudderless boat. Perhaps most disconcerting, voters feel America is falling behind, and that the next generation is unlikely to have it better than this generation does. The research also shows that voters want to address the big problems the country faces.

Unfortunately, many right-wing-backed ballot initiatives don’t give voters the solutions they’re looking for. Instead, conservatives are using these initiatives as divisive tactics to try to distract voters. Of course! No one actually cares about murdering children, judging people on their merits rather than their membership in a "protected" group, or establishing a reasonable definition of what constitutes a marriage. They're being tricked by those devious Republicans! OMG!

A good example is California businessman Ward Connerly’s efforts to roll back equal opportunity in Arizona, Colorado, Missouri, Nebraska and Oklahoma (see Ms., Winter 2008). Connerly’s initiatives would rewrite state constitutions to ban affirmative-action programs for women and people of color. But the drive for these ballot measures does not necessarily come from within these states: Connerly has been using mercenary signature-gatherers and funds collected by his California organization from undisclosed donors. To date, he’s failed to gain enough support in Missouri to qualify for the ballot, had to withdraw his petitions in Oklahoma because of signature fraud and faces a lawsuit over 69,000 potentially fraudulent signatures collected in Colorado. In Arizona and Nebraska, Connerly has submitted his petitions and is awaiting approval to place the initiative on the ballot.

In the arena of women’s reproductive rights, the right wing is continuing its assault this year with anti-choice ballot initiatives in four states: California, Colorado, Montana and South Dakota. Californians are being asked to pass a parental notification measure that has already failed twice; South Dakotans will be asked to approve an only slightly less draconian version of an abortion ban that failed in 2006. The “definition of personhood” initiative in Colorado—which seeks to overturn Roe v. Wade by redefining personhood as the moment of fertilization—could outlaw certain forms of birth control and ban or restrict common fertility treatments in which multiple eggs are fertilized but only some are introduced into the mother’s womb. A supporter (who?) of a similar, failed Montana initiative suggested that women could even be investigated to see what they might have done to cause their miscarriages.

Finally, in California, an initiative has qualified for the ballot that would rewrite the constitution and overturn the recent court decision that ruled gay marriage was constitutional. If passed, only marriage between a man and a woman would be valid or recognized in California. Some believe that this issue will put California into play for John McCain in November by turning out conservative votes, but progressives are energized to protect the court’s decision, and public opinion continues to move against barring marriage for gay and lesbian couples.
Arizonans, too, will vote this fall on a constitutional gay-marriage ban, and Floridians face a measure that would outlaw recognition of all same-sex partnerships. Still in the signature-collection process is an Arkansas initiative to take away adoption rights from "all unmarried couples" (i.e., gay couples). And...that will be up to the voters to decide.

Progressive women can feel hopeful about a number of other “kitchen table” initiatives on the ballot this fall designed to help families weather the economic recession. In Missouri, for example, signatures have already been submitted for an initiative requiring the state to produce 15 percent of its electricity from renewable energy by 2021. Research by the Ballot Initiative Strategy Center shows that voters believe this is both achievable and necessary to free Americans from dependence on foreign oil and reduce global warming.

Several health initiatives are also either gathering signatures or have qualified for the November ballot, responding to the anxiety of voters about losing health insurance during these tough economic times. Montana is circulating an initiative that would extend health-care coverage to all of the state’s uninsured children, and in Wisconsin, local health-care-reform referendums are moving forward that would ask the legislature to take action on universal health care.

Additionally, a home-health-care initiative on the ballot in Missouri would help the elderly and disabled to continue living independently by better recruiting, training and stabilizing the state’s home-care workforce. In Ohio, petitions are being circulated for a Healthy Families initiative that would guarantee seven days paid sick leave, and in the city of Milwaukee, a similar measure extending paid sick leave is likely to make the ballot. Michigan activists are stumping for an initiative allowing voters to restore the legality of stem-cell research. Are voters being tricked by Democrats into voting on these "divisive" issues?

While the country engages in a big national election, it’s important to remember that “all politics is (are) local.” Be sure to come prepared with the facts about your local initiatives, so that you know what sort of change you’re voting for.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Milwaukee Barbies

Galleria Barbie:This princess Barbie is only sold in Elm Grove. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Note: Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.

Brookfield Barbie:This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.

Marquette Barbie:This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small untraceable bills, unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

The Oak Creek Barbie:This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included is her own Starbuckscup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

UWM Barbie:Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we mean get an education. Comes with standard issue shorts with “UWM” printed largely on the butt. Also comes wearing latest “themed” sorority party T-shirt, hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest in “knock off” Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic, undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately.

West Allis Barbie:This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

River Hills Barbie:This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on her boat. Percocet prescription available.

South Milwaukee Barbie:This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Cudahy Barbie’s (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

River west Barbie:This slacker Barbie looks an awful lot like Brookfield Barbie without a shower. Comes complete with a pack of clove cigarettes and a sixer of PBR. There are accessory packages with various assortments of body piercing and tattoos available, but they must be purchased separately because, like, she doesn’t have a job.

Bay view Barbie:This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, arch less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her”Willow” She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Bay view Barbies, and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

North side Barbie:This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangster Ken and his ‘79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Southside Barbie:This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Southside Barbie or Ken.

East Side Barbie/ Ken:This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts

Consider this in conjunction with the website

A strong unpleasant feeling...

Ugh. I don't consider myself a jealous person, and I honestly can only think of one other situation in my life where I've felt jealous in regard to my relationship with a man. Via some internet stalking, I was able to find out a little insider information about someone I was involved with but haven't spoken to for a significant period of time. Hey, it's public record. I feel if it's on the internet, feel free to look. Driving past someone's house, different story. Anyhoo, without going into specifics, this information immediately caused a strong, unpleasant, unfamiliar feeling. I thought about it for about half a second and then I realized...I'm jealous. And here I thought I was pretty much over it. This sucks. There was no closure and I get that the feeling is partially caused by that. I am also sad about losing the friendship. But seriously, I feel jealous. Then, I feel ashamed for feeling jealous. I just have to get this out of my mind and move on. As I said to my boyfriend, he's an adult and can make his own decisions. I truly believe that in my heart. And I was a bitch to him. I'm free to disagree with his decision but clearly my opinion doesn't make any kind of difference whatsoever so why even bother thinking about it (or blogging about it, jeez). Well, this is actually alleviating the jealousy somewhat. I also don't need to tear someone else down to make myself feel better, so I'm not going to sit here and just rip on the other people involved. All I know is I have a lot of positive stuff going for me and the future can only get better. I just have to work hard and do my thing. Everything else is up to God or fate or luck or random coincidence or whatever you want to call it.

From "The Simpsons"...

Bart: Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I've never had before.
Lisa Simpson: It's called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepressible youth. ...

Can't Believe It...

I got bored with the social experiment after a few days.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008


  • Went for a walk. Got shit on by a bird. "I'm being shit on, that's all, shit on!" Literally.
  • Returned home, watched some TV.
  • Ate three pieces of pizza, which cost me a NutriSum point.
  • Watched more TV, fell asleep.
  • Woke up, shower, blah blah blah...
  • Weighed myself: 121.
  • Read newspaper, bus, went to work...
  • Breakfast: blueberry yogurt and Diet Coke.
  • Worked. Was irritated by some work-related stuff but it's kind of irrelevant unless you work there.
  • Dude got the job. Yay. Found out my car is not suitable for driving on the freeway, so really, what's the point of driving period.
  • Ate lunch: vegetables, rice, spaghetti, cottage cheese, roll, craisins, orange.
  • Worked. Wrote some notes down about the stuff that irritated me because believe me, it will be addressed.
  • Went to my mom's work for a ride home.
  • Arrived at home, ate two more pieces of pizza. This costs me two NutriSum points for today, because I'm trying to keep my calories down. Consequently, I'm skipping one of my whole grains and one of my vegetable points.
  • Read on the internet.
  • Went for a walk. Since it rained again, the KK river is really high and the current is much faster than usual.
  • Came home. He cleaned the house because it seemed like I was in a bad mood and he wanted to make me feel better. That's really nice, but it didn't work.
  • Wrote this post.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


This covers approximately 11:00 PM last night through now...

  • Paid some bills and wrote out the check for my rent.
  • Stalked someone on CCAP.
  • Watched TV.
  • Went to sleep, had weird dreams. It had to do with making hot chocolate at a gathering at my friend's parents' house, then I had my parents pick me up to go get some brats. For some reason we stopped at this super-fancy restaurant. I had to wait while my parents did something and I was sitting by a dessert cart. I grabbed a piece of chocolate cake with my hands and ran out of the restaurant, where some restaurant worker was waiting in the bushes to catch me. I was led back into the restaurant, where the haughty old-woman owner made some comment about only letting "elite" families into the restaurant. Something to the effect of "This is what happens when you let 'those kind of people' into places like this." I think I ended up back at my friend's parents' house with the brats somehow after that, and there was something about watching a basketball game on TV.
  • Woke up, brushed teeth, showered, got dressed, combed hair.
  • Weighed myself: 123.
  • Walked to the bus stop, read the newspaper, waited for the bus.
  • Went to work.
  • Ate breakfast: blueberry yogurt and a Diet Coke.
  • Worked.
  • Ate lunch: vegetable sandwich, vegetables, rice, cottage cheese, nectarine. It was approx. 622 calories.
  • Worked more.
  • Ugh, went to a team meeting. They suck, but this one wasn't too horrible. The dumb-ass of our team participated via a conference call, so it was better than usual.
  • Worked a little more.
  • Walked to my mom's work for a ride home.
  • Arrived at home. I want to know how my boyfriend's job interview went, but he isn't here and he didn't leave a note. And I can't call him because we share a phone. WTF...
  • Ate one of those Uncle Ben's Whole Grain rice packets.
  • Read some of those websites.
  • Posted the Britney post.
  • Posted this one.

Hey, guess who's home. Tomorrow will be from about 8 PM to whenever I post!

More on Britney

Most of these young Hollywood celebutante types are not particularly bright. Most of them haven't even graduated high school. But Britney seems actually kind of slow. The other thing is that she was built up to be the most beautiful, sexy girl in the world and it was all youth, airbrushing and marketing. Her success came between ages 16 and 22, when most people are at their peak of attractiveness. Then she had a couple of kids right in a row, and her looks faded. She stopped her crazy Madonna-like exercise and touring routine, and she simply got older and her body changed. Seemingly overnight, she went from future MILF to a saggy 25-year-old with two kids and a douchebag mooch husband. Then the media (the "airbrushing and marketing" part of this equation) turned on her. That's gotta mess with someone's self-esteem. Having no real friends and family that's just out to spend her money can't help either. Clearly she couldn't handle it and it led to a month's-long public nervous breakdown. Hopefully she really is getting the help she needs to get a handle on her life. Maybe she'll decide she wants to return to performing (let's hope not, because the world doesn't need more crappy computerized music). Maybe not. But her real goal should be a return to emotional stability and the ability to be a mother to her sons. If all she does after that point is live off her fortune and stay out of the public eye, it will be an achievement for her.

Monday, June 30, 2008

A Social Experiment

Today I'm starting this experiment where I will blog everything I do throughout the day. It will cover the week of June 30 through July 6. Let's see if my life is as boring as I think it is.

  • Woke up, brushed teeth, showered, got dressed, combed hair.
  • Weighed myself: 122.
  • Read newspaper, got on bus, went to work.
  • Ate breakfast, two plums and a Diet Coke.
  • Worked. It was uneventful.
  • Ate lunch, half a panini, cottage cheese, a nectarine, rice, vegetables and salsa.
  • Worked. Still uneventful. Discovered that you can listen to the Mark Belling podcast without downloading it, so I can listen at any time throughout the workday. Sweet.
  • Walked to my mom's work for a ride home.
  • Arrived at home.
  • Went for a walk for 80 minutes, went to Pick 'n Save and bought some Uncle Ben's whole grain microwavable rice and vegetables.
  • Ate one packet of rice and read some of those websites I read.
  • Watched Intervention.
  • Read more internet stuff.
  • Updated my list of movies.
  • Wrote this post.

I will pick up tomorrow starting with what I did after this post.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Coming Soon--Update

I don't think I will actually ever write full posts on these topics, so here are all of them in a nutshell:

1. Why People Cheat
Generally, because there's something wrong with the relationship they're in. The other case is where someone is just a sex addict.

2. What's wrong with Britney Spears (also applies to Lindsay Lohan...)
They've been the main financial support for their families from a young age. If you don't get this part, we lose the house. But hey, no pressure!

3. Why some people can't acknowledge Brett Favre's greatness
Obsession with rules and the proper way of doing things. His form is bad, he skips practice, takes crazy risks...He breaks the rules with spectacular success.

4. The Hills--real or fake?
Mixed feelings on this topic. If it's 100% fake, I'd write it to be more interesting. Like Melrose Place. It's like when you relay a story about an event in your life to someone who may not know all the people involved. It's normal to slightly change some of the details of the story to make it make more sense to an outside observer. That's basically the fakeness of The Hills. They reenact some details of the stories to make it make more sense to us. But damn, Lauren Conrad's life must be confusing. How does that chick know where the show ends and her life begins? Plus, all the people on that show get too much sun or something, because they're all 22 and look 32. In particular, Lauren's ex, Jason. Holy crap. But Brody Jenner is hot, though.

5. The Cunservative Manifesto
Meh, I'm not even sure where I was going with this one.

My Top Ten (go on, count them!) Movies

Amazon Women on the Moon
Cruel Intentions
Legally Blonde (thus concludes the Reese Witherspoon portion of the program)
American Beauty
Training Day
Dude, Where's My Car?
Mean Girls
Major League
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Wayne's World
A League of their Own
Being John Malkovich
There's Something About Mary
The Brady Bunch Movie (1 and 2)
Mary Poppins
Pulp Fiction

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

McBride's Media Matters--Invitation Only :-(

I am sad. Jessica McBride has been driven from the blogosphere (not a big fan of that word) by assholes like whoever writes Whallah. If somebody knows of a conservative-leaning blog that exists merely to make fun of liberal blogs' writing style, please let me know. Ridiculous. Anyway, I will miss her writing much like I miss her radio show. I'd enroll in her class at UWM if I could. Although I don't agree with her letting the assholes win, I understand her reasons. Like I said back when she was fired from TMJ, I know she will be successful in whatever career path she chooses.