Monday, August 28, 2006

The Cheeto Gang

Over at my favorite blog, DListed, the comment threads are a bit of a free-for-all. They tend to veer off-topic quite a bit, which is apparently contrary to the rules of netiquette. Excuse me while I puke after I use that word. It’s not so much that the posts are off-topic, but often an aspect of the topic starts a whole new conversation on its own. Also, DListed has many regular commenters, which leads to a bit of “Hi, how’s it going,” type stuff. Occasionally a thread gets to the point where it no longer has anything to do with the topic and it becomes a personal conversation. Well, that wasn’t the case about two months ago, when much more personal conversation was tolerated. There was a clique of commenter known as the Cheeto gang. They had many inside jokes and were off-topic more often than on, but they were generally funny, clever and entertaining. In some thread that was deleted before I got the pleasure of reading it they were constantly being picked on by this LaGarce character, who was basically a French idiot who could barely write English making irritating, insulting comments. The Cheeto gang began endlessly bugging Michael K to ban LaGarce from commenting, citing that he was off-topic, racist, and offensive (talk about kiddy porn, etc). Michael K responded that if he was going to ban LaGarce on those grounds, most of their conversational commenting would have to be banned as well. I don’t agree with his reasoning, since LaGarce wasn’t contributing anything to the entertainment value of the site, while the Cheetos did. However, it’s his site and he can run it as he chooses. Well, the Cheetos decide to “hit MK where it hurts” and boycott his site. And his hits go up after their boycott begins. The thing they didn’t understand is that their comments weren’t bringing anyone to DListed. The content of the blog draws the hits, while the comments are just value added. The gang sets up their own blog to converse among themselves, which is a great idea. The main topic of the blog…lurking on DListed to see who’s commenting, and talking shmack about the regular commenters who didn’t go along with the boycott. Their level of obsession about DListed is borderline psycho. The only proof of this blog’s existence that I’ve seen was posted in a comment thread on DListed a few day’s ago. Apparently one of the Cheetos was a traitor and he/she revealed the gang’s blog to the DListed audience. He/she posted two long threads consisting of insulting comments about Michael K and other posters back from when the boycott first started in early July. Lately, some of those Cheetos have been reappearing on the comment threads like nothing happened, and rumors are flying that they post anonymously to insult the “new” regulars and complain about being OFF TOPIC. Of all things, hmmm. I believe the traitor Cheeto waited until now, when a steady stream of Cheetos come trickling back, to out them. Am I glad he/she did? Kind of, because this whole thing is like an internet soap opera, honestly. But it’s like fifth grade. But now, I am going to call out some of those Cheetos (I have opinions about some of the other posters on DListed as well, but I am going to keep those to myself):

Mouse: ringleader of Cheetos. Constantly online. Supposedly has a big-dicked Latino boyfriend named Rey. Rarely ever posts funny or interesting comments, but for some reason has lots of followers.
Scout: Made herself a disturbing animated avatar of Michael K’s face disappearing into a black and red wave. Comments were consistently well-written and interesting.
Sassy Ass: called out Michael K on the Cheeto blog and returned to DListed like nothing happened, and was busted.
Little Bunny Foo Foo: some of the best comments on DListed. Unfortunately a psycho.
Katie Scarlett: alleged DListed mole for the Cheetos.

Why are (I’m assuming) adults wasting their time obsessing over strangers commenting on a website? I am the last person to use the “you fat virgin living in your parent’s basement online all day” card, but I think there are some overweight, chaste, regressed teenagers in this Cheeto crew. Cheetos: go outside, walk to a liquor store, and get drunk on the walk back. Talk to people on the street. Go home, read a non-tabloid newspaper with news in it. Take a nap. Repeat, over and over, until that thing we call FRIENDSHIP WITH REAL PEOPLE develops. Maybe get a job that challenges you a little bit so you don’t spend 40 hours a week plotting internet revenge. If you concentrated on your offline life as hard as your online life, you may not be such (troll cliché coming up) H8erzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

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